Friday, 30 November 2012
A life
AUTHORS NOTE:-
I do not usually write or read poetry, I understand almost nothing of its rules or structures, I'm not even sure if this piece would be classed as poetry, but the idea came to me, and so more as an experiment than anything else I decided to post it. You may like it, or you may think it a pile of rubbish, if you do, just say so, I won't be offended.
Steve Green.
* * * * * * * *
A LIFE
Hairless, toothless, sightless, speechless.
Reliant, dependant, resplendent,
Learning, struggling, investigating, growing.
Transition, decision, submission.
Girthed, birthed, earthed, dearthed.
Repeated, cheated, depleted.
Ailing, paling, failing, quailing.
Irradiated, depilated, sedated.
Hairless, toothless, sightless, speechless.
Dead.
©2012 Stephen. J. Green.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I very rarely write poetry either, but every now and then an idea forms. I think you are brave to put it out there! I think, from my ignorant point of view, it was very good! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Laura, I have done a bit of song writing in years gone by, but poetry is not really my thing, although I do occasionally come across one that holds my interest.
DeleteI think you are very nice for saying I am brave, but I really don't mind if people give constructive criticism about this piece, or anything else I write for that matter.
I'm not really sure if I managed to convey in these words what was actually in my mind though.
Thanks again for the very nice comment. :-)
I like this! It may not look like most poems, but it flows well and it tells a story. Well done!
ReplyDeleteThank you L.G. I actually thought that most comments on this would probably be negative ones, especially since I almost asked for them, so the responses have been rather heartening. :-)
DeleteI don't write it often, either. We're a little club here. Yet, I very much appreciated the rhythm you achieved, Steve.
ReplyDeleteThank you John, I feel happy with the company in this club too. :-)
Deletewith the word-craft skills you possess, I wouldn't think you would have any problem writing poetry should you decide to do so though.
Well I write poetry sometimes - there's quite a bit of it on my blog, form the silly to the serious. ^_^
ReplyDeleteGood on you for trying this out. It does flow well, and the words have rhythm and it makes sense - all ticks in my book! ^_^
Thank you Helen, if it makes sense then I have achieved my aim.
DeleteI like the term "From the silly to the serious." :-)
Funnily enough I'm in exactly the same boat as you, almost never write it, but am doing a poem currently.
ReplyDeleteI liked the experimentalism of this. I once did a story of 100 one-word sentences, similar to this in words that manage to not only convey a quality of a person, but somehow also advance the narrative of their life without any other words that would normally carry the weight.
If anyone has a pop at it as poetry, just say it's prose-poetry! ;-)
marc nash
Hiya Marc, and thank you.
DeleteI think I may call it a "Proetry" (Heheh!! Dunno if that's original but I like the sound of it.)
The project of 100 one-word sentences sounds very complex, just the concept is frazzling my thought processes.
My best wishes for success with the poetry you currently have WIP. :-)
As a self-described rogue poet, I definitely classify this as poetry. And a fine story too.
ReplyDeleteThank you Tim, I tend to think of poetry as rhyming verse, a bit like songs without music, but most poetry doesn't seem to rhyme, and I struggle to understand what most of them are trying to say.
DeleteOne poem that I really do like though is Tennyson's "Charge of the Light Brigade."
Wow, this is like a stripped-down, tres modern version of Shakespeare's Three Ages of Man.
ReplyDeleteHave you ever read any of the Archy and Mehitabel poems by Don Marquis? Accessible, lighthearted, yet often profound.
Hiya Katherine, sorry, but no, I'm afraid I'm not familiar with any of these works you mention here, but I will try to find time to look at them, I am very flattered though that you even compare my work to theirs. Thank you for the very positive feedback. :)
DeleteYep, that pretty much sums up the process of birth to death, and you did it so eloquently!
ReplyDeleteThank you Icy, I'm not too sure about the eloquence though. :-)
DeleteDraws the picture full. It is as it is, and in poetry it sounds a bit more tragic, which makes it more fun to read. Putting it in other words: well done!
ReplyDeleteHi Cindy, and thank you, I definitely wasn't sure about this one, it does read a bit blunt, but it was an idea that came to me, and so I decided to post it. :-)
Delete