I held eyeball to eyeball contact...
And said my piece.
“If you EVER park YOUR CAR outside of MY HOUSE again, you won't know what the HELL has HIT you.”
My forefinger stabbed forward repeatedly, emphasising my righteous indignation as I took the moral high ground.
“You BIG DUMB SCHMUCK! don't think I'm scared of YOU mate, I might be half your size, but I could take your lights out ANY day of the week, NO problem!
I am SICK to DEATH of having to park MY car at the other end of the STREET, just because YOU can't be ARSED to reverse YOUR piece of SCRAP back to where it SHOULD be parked., you LAZY, BONE idle, BALD-headed, POT-bellied, HUMPTY-backed, DOG-breathed, WRINKLE-faced, MAGGOT-todgered, BALL-LESS, SNIPE-nosed, KNOCK-kneed piece of CRUD.
If YOU parked YOUR rustbucket where it SHOULD be parked, I would be able to park MY car where IT should be parked, WOULDN'T I? But NO!, THAT would be too SIMPLE...WOULDN'T IT? Too EASY! Too much like using a bit of common bleedin' SENSE!.. WOULDN'T IT? NO! Because YOU have to act like the INCON-bleedin'-SIDERATE, BOULDER-bellied TOSSER that you ARE... I'VE got three buses and a TRAIN to catch before I get to MY car on a MORNING!
It would be really NICE if just for ONCE in my life I didn't need to YOMP across half the ESTATE to get to MY front DOOR When I get home from work! I mean, JEEZ! It would be nearly as quick to WALK home WOULDN'T it?
Are you GETTING all this? Is it sinking through your THICK-boned SKULL into that PATHETIC, LENTIL-sized, THREE-celled BRAIN of yours?
Now get your UGLY-mugged ARSE down them STEPS mister VERNON JARVIS, get into that clapped out, rattling box of SHRAPNEL that you call a CAR, and SHIFT IT!!!!”
There was a gentle knock on the front door...
I walked into the hallway and opened the door to find Vernon Jarvis from next door on the doorstep
“ Oh, hi mate” He said. “I've brought that DVD back that I borrowed last night. Thanks bud, much appreciated. Oh drat! I've parked the car a bit too far forward again haven't I? Must be the second time this month, sorry mate, I'll nip down and move it back a couple of feet.”
“No, don't bother Vern” I told him, smiling. “It's no problem at all mate, I'm only encroaching onto next door's kerb a foot or so, and anyway, Frank doesn't mind, he doesn't even own a car.”
“See ya later mate.” I said, still smiling.
I closed the door gently, and walked back into the lounge, when I passed the mirror I couldn't quite look myself in the eye this time.
©2011 Stephen. J. Green.