Friday, 11 January 2013
To be like you
“I feel so hot, the warmth of my love of life is like a furnace burning inside me.”
“I feel so cold, the chill of emotional lethargy aches in my bones.”
“I feel so happy, my joy of just being alive coursing through me, radiating from me.”
“I feel so sad, depressed beyond reason by my crippled heart.”
“I feel so strong, strong enough for two.”
“I feel so weak, every fibre of my being sapped of vigour.”
“I feel so full of hope, I believe I could teach you to be like me.”
“I think I would like that.”
©2013 Stephen. J. Green.
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Ours could almost complimentary ones this week, Stephen. Good experiment in voice.
ReplyDeleteThanks John, I was tempted to put a bit of a leader on this, but decided it looked better as all-dialogue.
DeleteLike the plaint of this
ReplyDeletemarc nash
Thank you Marc, I was aiming for contrast, I think it may have benefitted for a few more lines, but I always like the look of really short pieces.
Deletesometimes, it takes an extra person to make one whole
ReplyDeleteHiya Maria, you are so right there, I definitely need my other half, we certainly complement each other. :-)
DeleteInteresting piece this week which resonates through its structure. The poetry of it works well with the subject matter. The glass half empty voice was either going to say "yes, help me" or "can't you just let me be miserable". Your choice is the hopeful one, which feels just right.
ReplyDeleteHi Justin, and thank you. For various reasons, upbringing, genetics, etc, some people are naturally happy, and some are naturally sad, here the one is reaching out to the other with an offer of help, an offer which is deeply needed, and wanted.
DeleteI liked the exploration of all facets of emotion in this piece. There was a strong voice in this piece.
ReplyDeleteThank you Helen, I was hoping it would come across like that, this is one of those occasions where I didn't lighten the piece with dark humour as I so often do.
DeleteI like how this ended… there's the sadness and depression, but there's also the acceptance of the offer to help. Then again, don't we mistrust those too-happy folks, thinking they have to be hiding something really really dark?
ReplyDeleteThanks Larry. Yes, not all people who appear happy are genuine, and sometimes offers of help can be driven by ulterior motives, the romantic in me wants to believe that those cases are a small minority though. :-)
DeleteLove the varying feelings on each line, works very well. Shows how humans can hold two opposite points of view simultaneously too :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Casey. My intention was of two people talking to each other, but as with many pieces it is open to the reader's interpretation, and I can definitely see how you read it as one person in conflict with themselves.
DeleteEmotions are complicated. I sometimes wonder if I do them right. I'm positive 99% of the time, but still one has to wonder how his decision to hide his weak and sad emotions actually affects the people around him. There is a vast subject on a deep emotional, personal level opened by this piece. Good one Steve.
ReplyDeleteThank you Cindy. I sometimes find that one of my pieces goes deeper than I intended, and is actually stronger than I at first gave it credit for. I think I may have been in a strange mood when I wrote this one. :-)
DeleteBut it's good when it happens right? I find it amazing how people interpret stories, it's always interesting and helpful to receive their responses and ideas. And feelings too.
DeleteYour strange mood delivered a good one!
It certainly is, writing is such a strange thing, I quite often write things straight off the top of my head, with none, or very little editing afterwards. I tend to think that whatever was meant to come out did come out, some stories work better than others, but that is mainly part of the nature of writing.
DeleteExactly! This is a good way to put it. Writing is a great experience for both sides. It's lonely at the beginning, but afterwards a whole lot of people join and enjoy the storytelling and it's rewarding.
DeleteThis packs a lot into a small space. Although the last two lines clinch it, what I really found had an impact here was the heat/cold imagery. In some ways, the first speaker could use some cooling down. Maybe it's the start of a path towards equilibrium.
ReplyDeleteThanks Katherine. It's funny you should say that, because I originally entitled it "Hot and cold", but decided I didn't really like the title.
DeleteWhen something that is hot comes into contact with something that is cold heat exchange usually occurs, ending with both elements being at the same temperature, balancing each other out, as you say, equilibrium. A good basis for a good relationship. :-)
Am I the only one who thinks this is a little bit sinister? *looks around* I am? Oh.
ReplyDelete*coughs* Anyway, interesting story. I think the pure dialogue thing lends itself to reader interpretation.
Hi Peter, there was no sinister intention on my behalf, but as you say, all writing is open to interpretation, different readers will see different meanings in the words. I once commented that I saw the humourous side in a story, and several other commenters stated that it was a sad and serious slice of life, and there was no humour in it whatsoever, but amongst the seriousness of the story I could still see humour in the dialogue. I think it is a good thing when I receive a different view from the main, it often helps me to see the story from a new angle.
DeletePerfect compliments!
ReplyDeleteHi Catherine, yes, everything has its opposite doesn't it? Usually to mutual benefit too.
DeleteAt first I thought it was the same person saying one thing and then thinking the other. The last line tied it up for me, though.
ReplyDeleteI think these two may work well together. :)
Hi Chuck, and thanks. It would be a good thing if these two end up somewhere in the middle, won't it? :-)
DeleteThat would be an interesting exchange on an online dating site...
ReplyDeleteheheh! Yeah, It would be interesting to see if they were brave enough to meet in person.
DeleteThat was beautiful, Steve.
ReplyDeleteThanks Danielle, the varied responses to this one have been really interesting, the way people have interpreted the piece in different ways.
Delete