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Friday, 8 June 2012

Sensory deprivation

There is nothing to touch in here, and it blisters my fingertips.

There is nothing to hear, and its shriek is deafening.

There is nothing to see, and it's image is burned deep into my retinae.

There is nothing to smell, and the stench of it clogs my nostrils.

There is nothing to taste, and it sits vile upon my tongue.

There is nothing in here.

Wherever here is.

Won't somebody help me …..?

Please …..?


©2012 Stephen. J. Green.
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34 comments:

  1. Tim VanSant Writes8 June 2012 at 06:53

    Crazy. Just crazy.

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    1. Steve Green9 June 2012 at 20:32

      Not a place where you'd want to holiday then, Tim? :)

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  2. Helen A. Howell8 June 2012 at 07:23

    Weird very weird, but I liked it! ^__^

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    1. Steve Green9 June 2012 at 20:33

      Thanks Helen. Yup, I'd have to go with that. :)

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  3. Sulci Collective8 June 2012 at 08:11

    weird? crazy? Not to my eyes, ears, nose & mouth. Powerful deracination. Me likee

    marc nash

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    1. Steve Green9 June 2012 at 20:34

      Thanks Marc, it's an odd one is this, but I was pretty sure people would have different views on its meaning.

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  4. John Xero8 June 2012 at 08:26

    Simple, but it works, and some very poetic prose in their, Steve. =)

    Particularly like the line, "There is nothing to taste, and it sits vile upon my tongue."

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    1. Steve Green9 June 2012 at 20:37

      Thanks John. Originally I was going to write this from the perspective of "I touch nothing... I taste nothing.." etc, as though "Nothing" was a tangible thing. I'm still not sure which way would have been the better way.

      Delete
  5. Helen A. Howell8 June 2012 at 08:45

    Hey Steve I have an Award over at my place waiting for you! ^_^

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    1. Steve Green9 June 2012 at 20:41

      Thank you very much Helen. I've been over to your place, and taken proud possession of my trophy. :-)

      I shall be posting my own list in a day or two when I've had a good think about it. :-)

      Delete
  6. Peter Newman8 June 2012 at 08:51

    Hey Steve,

    I like this, it's dark but it works. Agree with John about the line.

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  7. Icy Sedgwick8 June 2012 at 11:43

    Wonderful set of oppositions - creates a fabulous tension.

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    1. Steve Green9 June 2012 at 20:46

      Thanks Icy, I wasn't sure if it would work or not, readers see different things in the same words.

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  8. mazzz_in_Leeds8 June 2012 at 13:34

    certainly a deprivation of pleasant sensations!

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    1. Steve Green9 June 2012 at 20:48

      Thanks Maria, I think many people don't really appreciate the value of their senses... until they lose them.

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  9. John Wiswell9 June 2012 at 08:02

    Sounds like someone trapped in their own imagination to me. Nothing is everything.

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    1. Steve Green9 June 2012 at 20:50

      That is probably the closest idea to what was in my own mind when I wrote this John.

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  10. Unknown9 June 2012 at 08:51

    Fun. Hallucinations! Although, in this protagonist's view all of his hallucinations come to haunt him.

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    1. Steve Green9 June 2012 at 20:55

      Hi Aidan, it's good to see someone seeing humour in this... I didn't intend it to be humourous, but it's still good to see.
      A story's worth is in the mind, and opinion of the reader, and it's good to see how people will view it differently.

      I have known instances when I have laughed at stories that were meant to be serious, sense of humour is a brilliantly diverse thing, isn't it? :-)

      Delete
  11. Jen9 June 2012 at 10:02

    Euuuhh... Very creepy, actually. It makes me believe that I would really, really not enjoy sensory deprivation.

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    1. Steve Green9 June 2012 at 20:57

      Thanks Jen. Sensory deprivation has been used as a very successful means of torture for a very long time now, very unpleasant I would imagine, I hope I never get to find out in person.

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  12. liminalfiction10 June 2012 at 03:35

    It struck me as a hallucinatory state, a scary one that feels like it will never end. I like when your pieces have a rhythm to them like this one.

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    1. Steve Green10 June 2012 at 09:37

      Thanks Richard. I tried to convey that although there was nothing where the MC, or where his mind was, that he was still completely aware of it.

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  13. Stephen10 June 2012 at 11:24

    Hi there Steve -- Gnnnrrr... liked the way you put across those extreme sensations in the face of their absence. Luckily, we could read through the claustrophobia of it and escape off the bottom of the page. :)

    Sweet, blissful air.

    St.

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    1. Steve Green10 June 2012 at 20:00

      Hi Stephen, and thanks for the kind words. :-)

      Errr... Escape?... Drat, no-one was supposed to escape, I must have accidentally left the corner at the bottom of the page open. Grrr!

      Delete
  14. Craig Smith10 June 2012 at 13:10

    I think this is a perfect description of Limbo. Stuck in eternal blackness for eternity. Quite scary. That or very bad food poisoning :P.

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    1. Steve Green10 June 2012 at 20:03

      Thank you Craig. Wherever it is, it certainly doesn't sound like the best of places to be, does it?

      Given the choice, I think I'd plump for the food poisoning. :-)

      Delete
  15. Katherine Hajer10 June 2012 at 21:28

    I like how taut this was -- the lack of extraneous words reflecting the situation.

    What I've read about sensory deprivation and sleep deprivation puts paid to the arguments for more violent torture -- they seem to do the job with chilling effectiveness without leaving a mark on the victim.

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    1. Steve Green10 June 2012 at 21:53

      Thanks Katherine.

      Torture in any shape or form is horrible. Sensory deprivation and sleep deprivation are evidently as effective, and just as horrible as any other method.

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  16. Larry Kollar12 June 2012 at 00:39

    Nicely done! Of course, one form of Hell is called Tartarus, which is a void much like you describe.

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    1. Steve Green12 June 2012 at 10:24

      Thanks Larry. I had to google Tartarus, it sounds like one of those places you might want to visit, but you wouldn't want to live there would you? :-)

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  17. Chuck Allen13 June 2012 at 20:12

    I enjoyed this, Steve. I guess too much nothing would be a bad thing.

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    1. Steve Green13 June 2012 at 21:40

      Thanks Chuck, I think quite often no input at all could probably be worse than bad input, at least you can act against that.

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