Last week I came across the #SatSun Tails on Rebecca Clare Smith's Journal, a weekly competition of 150 words, including a photo prompt and a written prompt. On impulse, and just for the fun of the involvement I wrote this short piece and posted it.
Accompanied by this photo was the written prompt :-
“Forget what they plant in the killing fields.”
I didn't manage to earn a place, but did qualify for a constructive critique, which is always appreciated, and I did enjoy taking part in the competition too.
The overall winner this week was Jeffrey Hollar at “The Latinum Vault”. His entry was a beautifully written piece entitled “Her absent lover.”
You can find Jeffrey's story and all the other entries here:-
10th #SatSun Tails. Competition entries.
10th #SatSun Tails. Competition results.
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KILLING FIELDS.
“Forget what they plant in the killing fields.” An order, not a request.
Forget indeed!
I hefted the heavy axe high above my head, then brought it down as hard as I could, burying it deep into his skull.
“How the hell can I forget when they come to visit me every full moon?” I shrieked at the falling form.
I dragged him outside and buried him alongside the others, fashioning a wreath of fern over his grave, adding the willow branch fetish.
“I'll be seeing you again, at the next rising, let's see what advice you can give me then, huh?
Looking over my shoulder at the house, I noticed a flicker of shadow pass the upstairs window.
I walked back inside, grabbing the axe before setting off up the stairs.
“Now we will see who gets to do the planting in future.” I whispered to myself.
©2012 Stephen. J. Green.
Author's note:- After reading the critique I decided to edit the ending slightly from the original story, hopefully it reads a little better now. :-)
Steve.
Nice one. And an interesting prompt.
ReplyDeleteThanks Tim. I agree about the prompts, they were Rebecca Clare Smith's work.
DeleteOh chilling and dark - nice writing Steve! I agree with Tim an interesting prompt and photo.
ReplyDeleteThank you Helen, I don't usually enter these kind of competitions, but the photo caught my eye, and I did enjoy taking part too.
DeleteShort, creepy, and to the point. Well done!
ReplyDelete-jb :)
Thanks Jim, I only had 150 words to play with, it's not one of my better pieces, but I still quite like it. :-)
Deletegreat prompt, the idea of planting recurring foes in a killing field.
ReplyDeletemarc nash
Thanks Marc, the trouble with planting "Things" is that they do tend to grow, and not necessarily into something sweet-smelling either.
DeleteHmm. Certainly dark. I like the photo and the line prompt too.
ReplyDeleteHi Peter, Dark is good isn't it? Bwuhahahaha!
DeleteEveryone seems to like the prompt, and I totally agree with them, I think the photo is definitely eerie.
I'm still a little confused by the ending... but I love the story. The idea that it's a regular deal these things rising and coming to him, and he has to put them down again and again, so routinely that it's no longer a horror to him, is great. =)
ReplyDeleteThanks John. I admit, the ending is a bit sparse, my idea was that she was going upstairs to take care of the rest of the residents, the ones who had been doing the "Planting". That done, she would be the only one left to do the Planting.
DeleteI wrote, and posted the story very quickly, as the words came to me after seeing the photo and reading the written prompt. I think I have a habit of assuming that the reader will always see what I see, and that assumption may not always be correct. But hey ho, I like the story too. :-)
It can be a challenge creating a story at these lengths I like the way you've gotten both the character and this intriguing zombie-like world where they rise regularly. Nicely done, Steve.
ReplyDeleteThanks Aidan, although I regularly post very short flashes, I did find it a challenge to actually have my wordcount limited, if I had written this without restrictions I would probably have had a few more lines in it to flesh it out just a tad more.
DeleteI thought the one doing the burying is the girl in the photo. You never tell us its a he do you? Anyway I'm with you - I think in 150 words you do a great job of creating a plot full of horror!
ReplyDeleteThank you Brinda. You are correct in thinking the protagonist is the girl in the photo, she is the one fashioning the fern wreath. I think because I am male, readers could be forgiven for assuming that my MC is always male, but in this case I wrote the story from the girl's perspective.
DeletePlenty here and swiftly to the point (or is that the blade). Quite the challenge to craft something in such a coffin-like space, but detailed enough in its execution to keep me coming back for more. lol. St.
ReplyDeleteThanks Stephen, I must admit that much of my work is rather blunt though, I don't think I own an eloquence quill, but I do own several short, sharp, nasty, twisty ones. Bwuhahahahaha!
DeleteLove this! The closing line brought a wicked smile to my face. Excellent job in so few words, Steve.
ReplyDeleteThanks Danni, it's made a rather enjoyable change for me too, having to work to a prompt and a word limit.
DeleteGood story, Steve. The narrator seems resigned to do his duty as needed, I liked his attitude.
ReplyDeleteSorry, her duty, I should say. I meant to write 'his or her' but now I see in your comments above that the narrator is female.
DeleteHi Richard, and thank you.
DeleteThe story doesn't actually state if the narrator is male or female, so I'm not really surprised that readers are assuming that it is male, I just wrote the story from the perspective of the girl in the photo, and so I had to make the narrator female.
I thought the narrator was male. or neutral. it's not clear.
ReplyDeleteBut I really liked the last line and the title is perfect. Good story.
Thanks Sonia, the gender is vague, but I'm glad you enjoyed the story. :-)
DeleteI really enjoyed this! I love that the brevity of it - it causes me to fill in my own blanks. I've loved what I've read so far on your site. I'm joining so I can get regular reads.
ReplyDeleteThank you Inkyheels, and welcome to The Twisted Quill, I hope you enjoy whichever stories you read on here, it is pretty much a mixed bag genre-wise, and quite often the titles can be misleading as to the content. Thanks for reading, and for the lovely comment.
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