I don't usually do writing or photo prompts, but I saw this one on Icy Sedgwick's site, “Icy's Blunt Pencil” and thought “Why not?”
The photo of the broken road, and the name of the prompt are Icy's work. The picture of Albert is courtesy of Fotosearch.com.
* * * * * *
Broken road.
After pushing the letter into the post box I set off up the hill in the direction of the village chip shop, I was really looking forward to a nice bit of haddock for tea . My pension doesn't run to too many treats, but I just wouldn't get through the week without my Tuesday fish'n'chips. It was a tradition of mine really, Tuesday is fish'n'chip day, everyone in the village knew that 'Old Albert' had fish'n'chips for tea on Tuesdays.
I'd only gone a few paces when the ground beneath my feet heaved, sending me sprawling.
Earthquake? I thought. Here? This is England not bloody Turkey.
I rose shakily to my feet, pushing myself up with the walking stick, my ceramic hip complaining at the unaccustomed stress. The ground continued heaving and shaking.
I watched with horror as a huge chunk of the road suddenly leapt upwards several inches.
The ground continued to rise inch by inch as it was slammed repeatedly from below. The screeching and rending noises almost drowned out the angry growls coming from below... Almost.
"Sod this!" I thought. I wasn't going to hang around to see what was going to come out of there...
I threw my walking stick to one side and set off running as fast as my arthritic legs would carry me, all thoughts of fish'n'chips forgotten now.
I was still going strong when I passed Mrs Lowbottom just before I got to the village green.
“Albert?” She shouted to me. “Albert, slow down for God's sake, the chippy doesn't close for another half hour yet.”
©2012 Stephen. J. Green.
Oh I do love it when creatures from the other side break through...but not when they stand in the way of a chippy tea!
ReplyDeleteHiya Icy, thanks for the prompt, I just tapped this one out on the spur of the moment really, I don't think it's one of my better pieces, but it gave me a bit of a chuckle thinking of Albert running hell-for-leather through the village. :-)
DeleteNice story, I liked the idea of the lady thinking he was in a hurry to get to the chippy!
ReplyDeleteI only have one suggestion to make about the story, it's written in the first person so this line jarred for me "everyone in the village knew that old Albert had fish'n'chips for tea on Tuesdays." It would have read better in my opinion if you had said, everyone in the village knew that I had etc. It's only my opinion and of course please do ignore it if it doesn't feel right for you. ^_^
Thanks Helen, I reckon 'Old Albert' will still be running when he passes the next village. :-)
DeleteThanks for the feedback, I wrote the 'Old Albert' bit like that because that's how he is known as in the village, I added a (') at either end to bring it out a bit, hopefully it might read a bit better now. Thanks. :-)
Yep it does ^__^
ReplyDeleteCheers Helen. :-)
DeleteOh, that was really cute! Ha!
ReplyDeleteThanks Catherine, I didn't think too much about it when I wrote this though, I saw Icy's prompt, then wrote the first thing that came to mind, and posted it immediately. Hopefully it will have given a few people a chuckle. :-)
DeleteHow rude of the creature to interrupt tea time!
ReplyDeleteToo true Tim, us English take our fish'n'chips very seriously indeed. But on a lighter side... Old Albert has qualified for the Olympics 100m sprint. :-)
DeleteThis made me chuckle. I can just see "Old Albert" dashing through the village. I'd love to know what it was that was trying to smash its way through the ground. Maybe Tuesday night is Human 'n' Chips night down below! ;)
ReplyDeleteHiya Natalie. Haha, I dunno... maybe a steroid-fuelled gym-addict worm?
DeleteWhatever it is, let's hope it's not too hungry, in this economic climate the local shops don't need something to be scoffing what few customers they have. :-)
Funny funny.. out of my way I have a fish supper to eat... no man, creature or bloody broken road is going to come between me and my dinner..reminds me of my Dad.
ReplyDeleteGreat short Steve
Thanks Tom, I'm just hoping that Old Albert doesn't give himself a heart attack before he passes the chippy. (Chuckle)
DeleteNice bit of humour at the end. I reckon 'Old Albert' is going to live for a few more years, smart move!
ReplyDeleteThanks Peter, y'know the motto... "He who fights and runs away..?" Except in this case it was more like "He who posts and runs away..."
DeleteHeheh!!
Ha, I can see poor little Albert scrunched down and flying by now, great fun Steve!
ReplyDeleteAnd, by the way, I like how he says "everyone in the village knew that 'Old Albert' had fish'n'chips for tea on Tuesdays." - it shows a bit of vanity in his character, and it's always a great thing when you can touch on personality with one line!
Hiya Deanna, I think Albert may be working on the principle of "I don't need to be able to outrun 'The Monster'... I only need to outrun some of the other villagers."
DeleteSomeone of Albert's age and living in such a small community probably would have a touch of vanity about his demeanour, he would be one of the local 'characters'... I bit like "Unlucky Alf" from The Fast Show. :-)
Steve, Nice comic timing. I like the iceberg of story hidden underground. Thinking about who imprisoned the monster and why are neat touches that leave this feeling lush.
ReplyDeleteThanks Aidan. I didn't really give a thought to exactly what was trying to smash its way out, and once again I have left the readers to envisage their own monster.
DeleteI think the time scale from seeing the prompt photo, to actually posting this was less than half an hour, (and after a few drinks too...cheers!) But despite that, it seems the humour still comes through okay, and I am pleased with readers' responses to it.
I know I quite often post grisly stories, but I like to use humour wherever I can. :-)
I broke out laughing at the last line! An awesome set-up, even more so because I've been reading "Complete Works of H.P. Lovecraft" this week — my first thought was "here comes Cthulhu!" [LOL my spell checker has the correct spelling for ol' squid-head!]
ReplyDeleteOr one could go with the southern faith-healer schtick: "Drop your-a cane and RUN! You are HEALED!"
Haha! Thanks Larry. I had to google 'Cthulhu' and going by the picture, you certainly wouldn't want that thing coming out of the ground at you. :-)
DeleteY'know, I think you should stop reading them H.P.Lovecraft stories, or you're gonna give yourself nightmares. LOL.
I'm left wondering also how much credence Albert will have for using his walking stick in the future, he's been "rumbled" so to speak. :-)
I'm craving fish and chips now! Great story. I liked the character's attitude.
ReplyDeleteThanks Craig. Mmmmm! you've got me craving them now too, decent fish'n'chips with lashings of salt and vinegar takes some beating doesn't it? :-)
DeleteCute story. I would have run, too. LOL The thing with the lady thinking he was running for chippy - what is chippy? - was funny.
ReplyDeleteHi Sonia, "chippy" is an English expression, and it is slang for "fish and chip shop" Us English people just love our fish'n'chips. :-)
DeleteFrom horror to humor in a line! Brilliant. I chuckled aloud as I finished it :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks Paul, it always makes me feel good when the humour works. :-)
DeleteHaha, that's devotion to the chippy!
ReplyDeleteHahaha! I think most of us English peeps are dedicated to the chippy, I mean... it's just so English innit? :-)
DeleteSteve, this is freaky, funny and fantabulous--I have a thing for Fs today. Oh, and the image invoked by the sentence "The ground continued to rise inch by inch as it was slammed repeatedly from below," is awesome and alive!
ReplyDeleteHi Magaly, and thank you. You can also add Fish'n'chips to your list of Fs now too. :-)
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