I was very small when Pocker lips came.
I don't remember people falling.
I remember the beautiful black snow.
I remember the colourful stripey skies.
I remember playing sliding games on the shiny glass beaches.
I remember crunchy cockroach dinners.
I remember being found by big people.
I have been taken to live underground now.
I wish I could go outside and play.
©2012 Stephen. J. Green.
Powerful and moving!
ReplyDeleteThank you very much Laura, you kind words are very much appreciated. :-)
DeleteI wonder if my interpretation was close to your intention, Stephen. I imagined our narrator to be a monster, locked inside, a relic of whatever went wrong with the world. The black snow was downright creepy!
ReplyDeleteI really like your interpretation of this John, the idea I was working on was much simpler, a child's memories and interpretation of the nuclear apocalypse (Pocker lips), and the aftermath.
DeleteI'd be amazed if your concept and John's interpretation are the same! Please let us know.
ReplyDeleteI agree on one thing though, black snow is scary.
Hiya Peter, John's interpretation wasn't the same as my intention, but his seems far more exciting.
DeleteThe black snow is (In my imagination) a child making sense of the fallout, and falling ash.
Steve you morbid barsteward. Drink more beer; turn that post-apocalyptic smile upside down on either of your iradiated heads!
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading my piece. My pitty party is over. I am back!! Hope you and your's are well.
Have decided to put LORDALF on Kindle and get on with writing.
Cheers,
Colin.
P.S. The piece was no-fiction.....How bad is that?
Hiya Colin, good to hear from ya. :-)
DeleteMorbid? Moi?.. I'm gonna have a few beers, then go outside and build a black snowman. :-D
I really liked LORD ALF, and I hope it brings the response it merits, it is a book well worth the read.
Cheers mate.
Steve.
Powerful indeed, and in so few words. Outstanding work Steve!
ReplyDeleteDeanna, thank you so much. :-)
DeleteStrong piece Steve.
ReplyDeleteAt first read a horrid picture got stuck in my mind; I was left wondering what creature has been cursed with seeing the black snow (calling it beautiful makes it much more chilling), and then I read your idea behind the piece, re-read it again and the effect is greater I must say! The child not understanding the happening, its innocence describing what the eyes see and one only desire to be out and playing. Powerfull, moving, chilling!
Thank you Cindy, very young children make sense of their surroundings using their limited knowledge and experience, and as they have nothing to compare it with, they just accept it.
DeleteHopefully I have managed to convey the idea I was working with, but I would be happy to further explain any of the lines in the piece if anyone would like me to.
Thanks again for the great comment. :-)
Ouch. A very still, lonely piece. Black snow made me think of Silent Hill for some reason, so my head went to monster as well. Totally missed the pocker lips set up!
ReplyDeleteNicely done.
HI Aaron, I never thought of the snowing ash in Silent Hill, but yeah there is definitely a similarity. I hope the story wasn't too obscure for you.
DeleteAwwwww!
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful voice this has. It made me think of La Jetee (more than 12 Monkeys).
Thanks Katherine. I had to google La Jetee, but I have seen 12 Monkeys, which I believe was a sort of remake of it, a film which I liked very much, a very thought-provoking time travel film.
DeleteI could have sworn I left a comment. I must have closed the window before it took. :-(
ReplyDeleteThis was a great way to depict a nuclear holocaust, through the eyes of a child! I wonder if he'll survive the radiation he's surely taken. I hope so.
Hi Larry, and thank you.
DeleteI've had a few comments stolen by Blogger too, you start doubting your own sanity, don't you? (Heheh!!)
I thought someone would raise the question of radiation sickness, as supposedly the child has been fending for himself/herself out in the ruins for a while, I like to think they were just one of the unaffected lucky ones. I like to think that it would be survivable.
I hope this doesn't make me sound like a monster, but I would love to see black snow, mostly just for the novelty of it.
ReplyDeleteBrilliant title! I was scratching my head and then it clicked.
Thanks Craig. I think this particular black snow may not be as nice to play in as the white stuff we usually see. :-)
DeleteI liked the title too, a child hearing the word "Apocalypse" would have no idea as to its meaning, but would probably know the word "Lips" and so think they heard "Pocker lips".
I love the poetic pieces you write, Stephen. I thought post-apocalypse here but wasn't sure. Simple, elegant style.
ReplyDeleteRichard, thank you so much, "elegant" is very complimentary. :-)
DeleteBrilliant way to consider how a child might view it. I know they shouldn't, but the glass beaches actually sound quite fun.
ReplyDeleteThanks Icy. the glass beaches do sound like they could be fun, don't they?
DeleteI once read that the heat from a nuclear bomb could fuse sand into glass, and that is where the idea came from.
Cool. I read it twice before it dawned on me where the title came from. Then it all came together in a nicely creepy way.
ReplyDeleteThanks Tim, The title probably confused most readers at first. :-)
Delete