FLASH FICTION:-- HORROR, SCI-FI, HUMOUR, CRIME, SLICE OF LIFE, ETC.

Friday 25 May 2012

A diamond for Beverley

She would have her diamond ring, to propose without one was unthinkable.

I scrubbed hard at the old brass curtain ring, spat on my threadbare shirt cuff and scrubbed some more. The metal began to un-dull, the gleam deepened, the shine began to shimmy.

Poor man's gold, but gold still the same, to me anyway.

A piece of glass, bright enough to catch the eye, to snatch the light, to capture a heart.

A smidgen of gum from the wad.

I had my offering.

* * * * * * * * * *

Beverley was beautiful, and I loved her. The princess of cardboard city, the dirt-encrusted duchess of the homeless.

This was our palace. I no longer saw the peeling wallpaper or the skeletal wall laths, the piles of rubbish and rubble meant nothing to me.

A squat is a squat is a squat.

But I saw Beverley, and loved her.

I sank to one knee and stretched my hand out towards her, hope sparkling between my thumb and forefinger.

I daren't speak for fear my voice would crack.

She looked at the ring, then into my eyes.

Gossamer wings fluttered my heart as I awaited her answer.


©2012 Stephen. J. Green.

36 comments:

  1. She's got to say yes. In a cardboard city, brass and glass might as well be treasure.

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    1. The true worth of something quite often runs much deeper than its monetary value, doesn't it?

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  2. This is such a sweet story of hope. Lovely.

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    1. Thanks Rebecca, hope springs eternal, eh? :-)

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  3. Hey Steve,

    I like the cardboard city and the way you leave it without an answer. For some reason I felt Beverley may not be quite so enamoured of our protagonist but *shrugs* maybe I'm just being a cynic.

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    1. Hi Peter, I left the ending open like that so the readers could decide for themselves what they think Beverley's response may be, or what they would like it to be. :-)

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  4. One man's trash is another man's treasure, as they say. And it's the thought that counts. I hope Beverley agrees!

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    1. Where money is scarce, it is indeed the thought that counts, and love is love, you cannot put a price on that. :-)

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  5. Love is more important than wealth (and some might say blood magic). I like the little details you've got here, cardboard city, dirt-encrusted duchess, the words have snap and panache.

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    1. Thanks Aidan, the term "cardboard city" refers to the unfortunate people who live on the streets, and sleep in cardboard boxes to keep warm.

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  6. I like this a lot. Even an old cynic like me hopes she says yes.

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    1. Thanks Tim, it would be nice to see them walk off into the sunset hand in hand, wouldn't it?

      I just may write a follow-on for this, if I can decide which way to go with it.

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    2. Maybe you should write two follow-ons, one for yes and one for no.

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    3. Hmmmmmm... Something to think on there Tim, thanks for the extra feedback. :-)

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  7. You never know when you'll find love. I hope she feels the same.

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    1. It's true Danni, love can blossom in the most unlikeliest of places.

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  8. I suspect when you're down and out, love may be the most precious thing of all.

    Nice story Dad xx

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    1. Hiya darling, love costs nothing, yet it is priceless, and something to be treasured. In these circumstances it may be one of the few things that it is in their power to give.

      Thanks for the lovely comment. X.

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  9. Hopefully she'll at least appreciate the effort he put into the ring, and I hope she says yes. I like that you kept it open.

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    1. Thanks Richard, the ring didn't cost anything, but he certainly put a lot of feeling into putting it together, and offering it. :-)

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  10. "The princess of cardboard city, the dirt-encrusted duchess of the homeless."

    Great line Steve!

    I wonder where they will go for their honeymoon? :)

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    1. Thanks Craig.

      That's a very interesting thought, about the honeymoon, wherever they go... if they go, I think it may well be somewhere rather inexpensive. :-)

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  11. Mate, this is wonderful. Simple but effective and quite lyrical in places - like the phrase Craig mentioned, and my favourite, "the shine began to shimmy."

    Starts out seeming kind of desperate, maybe psychotic (not at all a thought influenced by reading a lot of your flash ;) ), but totally redeemed in the second half and turned around into something heart-warming and quite lovely.

    Perfect ending, too. =)

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    1. Thanks for the very kind words John, and with some of the stuff I write "Psychotic" seems to fit perfectly, (strokes favourite cleaver lovingly)...(laughs maniacally) :-)

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  12. Why do I have a really bad feeling that Beverley is not necessarily alive (or human, or a life form)?

    At first this made me think of the curtain-outfit scene in Gone with the Wind, but by the end I was thinking of Magazine's "Permafrost".

    Both of which allusions, coming from me, are huge compliments. The wad of gum, sticking the jewel to the ring, was really sweet.

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    1. Thanks Katherine, your take on the story is very interesting, many of my stories are not what they first appear to be, and readers quite often suspect there is something deeper going on, but my idea this time was just simply of love blossoming in the heart of a homeless man.:-)

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  13. I love this, Steve. The phrasing is terrific, the picture of love in the difficult setting was touching, and the open ending was a great way to end it.

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    1. Thanks Chuck, quite often it's the things left unwritten that can make a story better, isn't it?

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  14. It is a lovely story Steve but please write a follow on - we must know what is to come of this brave lover wooing the princess with brass and glass? I want to see the princess a bit more if I am to draw my own conclusion :) But I agree, a poetic beggar/homeless man is a true treasure.

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    1. Thanks Brinda, I haven't really decided yet which way to go with this for a Part 2, so I'm going to leave it for now and see if any ideas grow on me. :-)

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  15. It's nice to see love blossom in the most unlikely places.

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    1. It certainly is Icy, in fact it's nice to see love wherever it blossoms. :-)

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  16. I too really enjoyed the image of cardboard city! This was a sweet, simple tale with a hint of the melancholy. I loved it.

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    1. Hi Inkyheels, I really appreciate your interpretation of the story, thank you. :-)

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  17. Hi there Steve -- somehow, the inkier the surroundings, the more 'squatty' the inhabitants, the shiner that ring shone. Thankfully, you had the mount covered -- a piece of gum (otherwise my brain'd be, 'how'd that glass stick on?'). I like it. Cartier eat your heart out. St.

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    1. Hi Stephen, I agree with your observation, the beauty and worth of an offering shouldn't have any connection to the amount of money it cost, sadly for many people though it does.

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