Friday, 23 December 2011

The happiest Christmas ever

Several feet beneath the antarctic ice crust the hull of the immense mothership gave out a low hum as the crew initiated engine start-up. Inside the operations room the final briefing was under way with all chief military and scientific personnel present.

Senior scientist Jabal addressed the room.

“After many years of planning and development the moment is finally here. The strike ships are all programmed with their individual target co-ordinates, altitudes and pace of dispersal. The mission-to release the developed virus into the cloud cover, which will then be brought to Earth via the forecasted snowfall.”

“Why can't we just release the virus directly into their atmosphere?” This from the strike commander.

“The virus is extremely complex and volatile, it will only follow the required behavioural pattern within minute parameters of element combinations and temperatures. The virus will bond to the snow crystals, separating at an altitude of zero to thirty feet from the ground. The virus then reaches the second phase triggered by the slightly higher temperature and altered oxygen and nitrogen combination. After ingestion, either through the skin, or any orifice, the virus begins to attack and destroy the central nervous system, while at the same time causing the subject to experience a state of extreme euphoria...”

“Euphoria? What is that?” Interrupted one of the military staff.

“Happiness.” Replied Jabal. “To the humans euphoria is a state of extreme happiness. This euphoria will intensify as the virus strengthens, and will continue until the moment of death. This would be from several minutes to several days depending on many physical and physiological variables within the subject. The euphoria will work in our favour... the humans will die happy”

“How many other species will be affected by the strike?” This from Under-officer Eybro.

“None. Only the dominant species will be harmed by the virus.” Answered Jabal. “Humans, the biological make-up of the virus causes it to ignore all other life forces.”

“What is the success rate of the virus?” The commander enquired.

“Absolute.” Jabal said, confidently. “There are no recovery percentages, no immunity percentages.”

“Surely there will be some survivors, the snow clouds are not due to cover the whole planet, and as we know, some countries are too warm to have snow.” From the commander again.

“The snow clouds will drift, spreading the virus further than the initial cover area. Most of the warrior nations will be annihilated, of the ones that are left, there will be insufficient co-ordinated force remaining to pose any serious threat to our invasion force. The planet will be ours.”

Several hours later hundreds of strike craft running under stealth shields released their payloads into the dense cloud mass that covered the whole of continental America, and over ninety percent of the northern hemisphere.

Just before midnight on Christmas eve the first flakes of snow began to drift down on New York City.

“Hey folks.” Said the jubilant TV announcer. “The countdown to Christmas day starts in less than a minute, and for all you snow lovers out there, the weatherman says that for almost everyone in the world this year it's gonna be a white one. Happy Christmas everyone, and may it be the happiest Christmas ever”

Background music tuned in with the mellow tones of Bing Crosby...

“I'm dreamin' of a white Christmas....”

Happy Christmas everyone.

©2011 Stephen. J. Green.


  1. If this happens, I'll die a happy man.

  2. Yikes. What a way to die happy.

  3. Speaking of happy deaths, this reminds me of the number of Swedes who get lost walking home from a bar or party and fall asleep in a snowbank.

    However, enough of those pesky thoughts, I'm glad to be living in a warm place with sunny skies. Lets see those pesky aliens try to seed our skies.

    I like how you captured the aliens.

  4. Oh noo! Least Bing Crosby will play 'em out! ^__^

    A very Happy Christmas to you Steve! ^__^

  5. @John - If this happens I'll probably die of surprise. :-)

    @Sonia - I suppose if we are gonna get anihilated then it is as good a way as any, it would be better if the weather forecast turned out to be wrong though, wouldn't it? :-)

    @Aidan - I've heard freezing to death isn't such a bad way to go, if any of them Swedes come back I'll ask 'em. :-)
    May your sunny skies keep you free of them pesky aliens too. :-)

    @Helen - Yeah, we could all go out with a Bing, instead of a bang. (Chuckle)
    A very happy Christmas to you too Helen. :-)

  6. Well, I'll be sure to avoid going outside the next time it snows. :) Then again, I probably won't be able to control myself if it causes that much happiness! :)
    Great fun story Steve!

  7. Just another reason I'm not a big fan of snow. :)

  8. @Deanna - Just get well wrapped up first, and don't forget the Bio-suit. :-)

    @Chuck - Snow is great stuff, I love looking at it out of the window... but if I actually need to go outside... :-)

  9. And here I'd been bemoaning the fact we've had the wimpiest of snowfalls this year, and none left for Christmas day. Near-miss, I'd say. =)

    They'll be lucky to get that kind of coverage, we seem to be getting less and less snow every year...

    Hope you had a merry Christmas, Steve. Best wishes. =)

  10. Well at least they designed a virus to make us die happy!

  11. @John - Thank you, I did have a very good Christmas, and I hope you did too.

    I'm not a lover of snow myself, I do like to see it through the window, but hate having to travel anywhere in it, it's cold, wet, and slippy. Brrrr... :-)

    @Peter - yeah, I can think of a lot of worse ways to go. :-)

  12. Interesting that they'd die happy!

    I didn't feel very festive this year, and I do think it's because it felt more like a wet Sunday in September than Christmas.

  13. Hi Icy, yes, the weather is very mild for the end of December, but I prefer this to the really bad conditions we had last year.