I don't like it here, man... in fact I hate the place.
I used to have my own penthouse suite, the band was riding high in the album charts, the tour was going well, my plec and Gib slammed out super-sexy heavy metal, man...
and I had my pick of the rock chicks too, three at a time if I wanted.
Sex, drugs, and rock'n'roll baby, yeeehaah!!
The rags were calling us a modern day Guns N' Roses....
Guns N' Roses? Ha! More like Buns N' Pansies, man, a buncha pussies with an Axel to grind.
We were THE band, man.... THE BAND.
It's a bummer how just one more snort, one more joint and a midnight Hog ride can change things.
Now I have to share a cloud.... jeez man, SHARE a cloud, the harp is more out of tune than in, and plays nothing but plinky-plonky crap anyway, and the “chicks” are so goody-goody they make me want to puke!
What kinda shit-fer-brains incompetent was put in charge of the decision that sent me here in the first place, huh?
My transfer will come through any day now, I just know it....
They're already gettin' sick of me...
Grabbin' the chicks asses, wiping my nose on the guys' wings, belchin' and fartin' during the chorals...
Patience was wearin' thin man, ha!
Yeah, man, I'll soon be on my way.
A one way ticket to Hades baby....
well, it sounds like a hell of a lot more fun than this place.
©2011 Stephen. J. Green.
Everybody pitches themselves so big here. There's nobody who deserves to be here, even if their music was all about falling one way or the other. Ain't it a kick in the teeth?
ReplyDeleteHi John, I doubt that many rock band members would qualify for a place up there, with the lifestyle most of them lead, I think they would probably agree.
ReplyDeleteI've long thought the stereotypical, sitting on a cloud, plucking a harp, idea of heaven seemed pretty boring too. Not to mention hanging out with a bunch of goody-goodies. Still not sure I prefer the highway to hell but I like your appeal for such.
ReplyDelete"More like Buns N' Pansies, man, a buncha pussies with an Axel to grind"
Funny stuff Steve!
It's better to burn out than fade away. But even fading away has to be preferable to cloud-sitting with a load of goody goodies. If Keith Richards' recent biog was a bestseller, this is in the same league.
ReplyDeleteThanks guys,
ReplyDeleteHarry, I quite agree, I think some midway point taking the best of both would be a good option.
As for Buns N' Pansies LOL, I actually like Guns N' Roses, but I needed a comparison, and so I picked a band with a massive success rate.
Rol, sadly many rock stars do burn out, how Keith Richards has survived so far is a wonder in itself, I also am a Rolling Stones fan too.
\m/
ReplyDeleteI'm sure it was just a clerical mistake that will be sorted out soon enough. :)
Good one. Made me smile. Rock 'n' roll forever.
Hi Gracie, I'm absolutely sure that haloes will roll over that particular bad call. (Probably a junior angel will end up as a scapegoat :-D )
ReplyDeleteRock on.
Nice voice. I liked the rant that slowly reveals the "injustice" of the decision against him. He's got a talent for describing harps in a way that sounds awful.
ReplyDeleteGreat story.
ReplyDeleteSounds like he was sent to the right place imo, since he seemed sort of naughty in life anyway. So wouldn't he be destined for his own personal hell? :D
Thanks Aidan, a guy just simply COULDN'T step down to a harp after using a Gibson to full effect.
ReplyDeleteHi Catherine, yes, he's already in his own personal hell, but he thinks he ought to be downstairs rubbing shoulders with the baaad boys.
Oh I love this one! He took the Stairway to Heaven then, did he? Well, at least once his transfer kicks in, he'll be on a Highway to Hell...
ReplyDeleteThanks Icy, yeah, and I bet there are plenty of Rock'n'Rollers down there to keep him company.
ReplyDeleteYea, I think I had the same thoughts as some of the other commenters. He's already in hell.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't put a lot of stock in that transfer coming anytime soon :)
Hi Michael, I think a guy like this would just carry on being as annoying as it took to get what he wants, mind you, he might find that it's not what he wants if he does get it.
ReplyDeleteEXCELLENT. I love the naked truth. When you can see it, taste it, smell it, you know its good eating.
ReplyDeleteWell done lad.
Colin.
Colin, thank you for the kind words, very much appreciated. :-D
ReplyDeleteI love the voice of your character and the constant use of "man" in the narrative. The whole thought process of this character was spot on.
ReplyDeleteThanks Stephen, in my younger days I knew people who spoke like that, I think some of them spoke that way purely because they thought it made them sound "hip" :-D
ReplyDeleteJokes on him, right? He went to his own personal hell.
ReplyDeleteHi Eric, yes, for a guy who believes himself to be a bit of a hellraiser, that's the way it would seem to him, although he might find the other place a little too warm.
ReplyDeleteThe voices were perfect for this. Funny I was listening to Led Zeppelin when I read this. Great read and funny too. Hopefully they'll like Hades, but I hear there's no air conditioning.
ReplyDeleteHi Rachel, thanks, I heard the same thing about the air-conditioning too, hopefully the heat won't stifle his guitar-playing skills. :-D
ReplyDeleteGreat story Steve. In fact, I have an award for you over at my blog. Come on by.
ReplyDeleteHi Gen, thanks for the very nice comment,
ReplyDeleteand oooh, I've never got an award before, I shall pop over very soon.
I just tried reading this out loud in a voice I thought might fit a high,(very high) expired rocker. Thankfully no one else around to hear me. Really entertaining Steve. Next stop, Hades!
ReplyDeleteHahaha! Thanks Justin, if you are actually reading this out loud, then I must be doing something right. :-D
ReplyDeleteI liked this as well. Maybe the narrator's in his own personal hell :).
ReplyDeleteHiya Bullet, thanks for calling by, it definitely does seem like the place he doesn't want to be, but maybe he should take care what he wishes for, eh? :-D
ReplyDelete