I used to be a slave-catcher.
We caught them, we shaved their heads, we put them in a blue jumpsuit, we put them to work.
I broke the rules, I fell in love with a catch, such beautiful red hair, such beautiful green eyes, such beauty.
What would a man do to protect all that beauty?
I ran, I took her with me, we ran together.
The further we ran, the more I loved her.
The more I loved her, the harder I fought to protect her.
The harder I fought, the more men I killed.
The more men they lost, the harder they chased.
In the end, I did not fight hard enough.
* * * * *
My freshly-shaven head feels cold, cold like my heart.
The jumpsuit chafes my skin, but the blue definitely suits the colour of my soul.
All that beauty has been taken from me.
And I still live.
My heart will ache for the rest of my life.
In the gaseous tunnels of the Basidium mines beneath the surface of Epsilon 4, 'life' is about six months max.
©2010 Stephen. J. Green.
Leave it to us Irish to get enslaved. Again. At least we won one of your hearts!
ReplyDeleteVery sparse story, a mad dash for the circle ending. I'm an enthusiast of the circle story. He's a slave to love, ne?
Hi John, thanks for reading. The Irish connection wasn't purposeful, I just like red hair, but I guess there are people of just about every descent on Epsilon 4. :-)
ReplyDeleteI actually wonder how this would read if it were told backwards. Either way, neat tale.
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading Valerie, the idea started out as a much longer story that I hacked down.
ReplyDeleteInteresting story Steve. I love the way you put it together with the short sentences. I think that made it more powerful. It was what it was. He loved beauty and fought to keep it. Beautiful.
ReplyDeleteHi Rachel, thanks for reading, this short style is what seems to suit me lately, as I replied to Valerie, it started out as a much longer story, but I prefer the short version.
ReplyDeleteTouching story; the things we do for love. I think it works very well at this length.
ReplyDeleteKari @ The Best Place By The Fire
Hi Kari, thanks for reading, love can drive a person to do things that they wouldn't normally do.
ReplyDeleteIt was beauty that killed the beast.
ReplyDeleteGood post.
Being caught and turned to a slave or running and trying to fight. Either way, the result is the same. Good story!
ReplyDeleteHi guys, thank you for reading,
ReplyDeleteStephen, a very nicely-coined phrase.
Eric, he could have done his job, and turned her in, but he ran, it was never going to work out good, was it?
I love the pace and style of this story. Well done!
ReplyDeleteThanks Danielle, I know that this style is not to everyone's taste, but it is a style that I am becoming more comfortable writing in.
ReplyDeleteErnest Hemingway would approve of this story I believe. His ghost somtimes haunts me. But only in my short stories.
ReplyDeleteGreat job but the romantic in me wanted hope at the end not poetic justice.
Thank you Roland, I wish my story had been as eloquent as your comment. Again, thank you.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the spare delivery. It meshed with the futility of the tale itself. Great job!
ReplyDeleteLaura, thank you, just running was futile, but he couldn't help himself.
ReplyDeleteWow, this is excellent. Told with such sparse language, but so much emotion crammed in nonetheless. Very skillfully done!
ReplyDeleteIcy, thank you very much, the compliment is much appreciated.
ReplyDeleteLove will get you every time.
ReplyDeleteHi Bill, thanks for reading, love is so important, we need more of it in this world.
ReplyDeleteEnslaved by love. Oh the irony of it all. Nice piece.
ReplyDelete~jon
Hi Jon, love is definitely an enslaver for many people.
ReplyDeleteA nicely told tale which says it all in few words. Loved the ironic spin Steve. Ah, the things we do for love..:)
ReplyDeleteHi L'aussie, yes, love is indeed a many splendoured thing. :-)
ReplyDeleteThis makes a nice plot and the details pulled out to make this piece work well.
ReplyDeleteHi Aidan, thank you for reading. My inner voice seems to work in clipped sentences a lot when I am writing, I started off with a long story, that almost ended up as a sort of poem.
ReplyDeleteSlave-catcher becomes enslaved only to be caught and made a slave himself. Love the circular nature of that and thoroughly enjoyed the sparse way in which you told the story.
ReplyDeleteKath, thank you, you have echoed exactly what was in my mind when I wrote this.
ReplyDeleteWonderfully told story. You don't even need the last line because otherwise the story could be set in any time period. This was wonderful.
ReplyDeleteThank you Catherine, I do tend to favour the sci-fi/horror scene though.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this Steve. The story seems to go full circle which works really well.
ReplyDeleteHi Rebecca, thanks for reading, glad you enjoyed it. :-)
ReplyDeleteGreat story; a slave to love, a flight for freedom, a fight for life and finally he's confined and doomed to die a toxic death!
ReplyDeleteWell written, it really pulled me in, good pace.
Left me wondering about what happened to her? Did they kill her, confine her to the mines too?
:0)
Hi Susan, thanks for reading, I fear she may too have been condemned to an early death in the mines, but maybe a powerful someone decided to take all that beauty for himself?
ReplyDeleteCold heart, blue soul and death around the corner. Feels very authentic and I enjoyed the fast pace, logic and totally hopeless ending. All your stories have such appeal. Loved it!-Tiffany
ReplyDeleteTiffany, thank you for reading, and for your very kind comment, it is very much appreciated.
ReplyDelete