FLASH FICTION:-- HORROR, SCI-FI, HUMOUR, CRIME, SLICE OF LIFE, ETC.

Friday 12 October 2012

Falling apart


John just went to pieces after his wife left him.

The very day after she had walked out, he awoke to find unnervingly large clumps of his hair on the pillow. During the course of the day he became gradually balder and balder, and although he was rather perturbed by this, he put it down as being a nervous reaction to his wife's actions. No doubt the hair would grow back once he had got over the initial shock of being abandoned.

The following day, as John was rubbing shower gel onto his smooth, and for some reason that he couldn't quite fathom, sexy-feeling bald head, something floated past his line of vision and into the water below.

Looking down he was shocked to see one of his fingernails floating along towards the shower drain hole. He lowered his hands to eye level and watched in horror as one by one the remaining nine flaked off and joined it, creating an armada of tiny fingernail boats.

John began to feel sick, something was not right here. Maybe he was hallucinating? Another nervous reaction to being left alone?

He towelled himself dry and went for a lie down, convinced that all would be well with his world when he woke up again.

Not so...

John blinked himself awake, and climbed out of bed, only to fall heavily to the floor. Shocked, he tried to stand, and immediately fell flat on his face again. The impact sending one of his eyeballs flying from its socket, it rolled rapidly across the carpet and disappeared under the wardrobe.

He rolled onto his back and squinted along the length of his legs...

There was no feet on either of them.

He almost gagged in panic!

He dragged himself back onto the bed and into a sitting position, tentatively he pulled the sheet aside, there were his feet, either side of a small pile of toenails.

“Oh God! … Oh God! … Oh God!”

John raised his right, nail-less hand to his mouth to stifle the scream that was building inside him, just before he could cover his mouth, the hand fell from his wrist, bounced off his thigh, and landed heavily on the carpet.

The scream came... Accompanied by the tinkling sound of most of his teeth cascading from his mouth into his lap, followed shortly by the wet splat of his tongue joining the pile.

“Oh Gog! ... Oh Gog! ... Oh Gog!”

John was screaming in mind as well as mouth, insanity was kicking in.

A sudden thought struck John, silencing his screams.

Until now he had always believed that his wife would be the one to go to pieces if she ever found out about his affair.

The comical twist of the situation was not lost on him.

He started giggling maniacally, his lunatic mirth grew in volume and intensity, reverberating around the house, bouncing off the walls, until eventually he just laughed his head off.


©2012 Stephen. J. Green.

34 comments:

  1. Ricochet of laughter and off with his head! I admit chuckling at that last line. Although I would asume the laughter to be more of a panicked, insane scream.

    I had a pretty vivid picture of his self disassemblement if I can put it that way. Ew and ouch! It was horrific! Which means job well done.

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    1. Thanks Cindy, this was one of those silly ideas that came to me, and I couldn't help but expand on it. :-)

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    1. Hi Laura, and thank you. I hope it wasn't too "Icky" for you. :-)

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  3. Oh, gnarly! Going to pieces, starting with fingernails. I can feel the sting.

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    1. Haha!! I suppose he just simply went to sleep afterwards... Just "Dropped off" so to speak. (Groan... ) :-)

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  4. Excellent fun. I wondered if we were going to see the cause of his problems falling off, but you are way too classy for that. One note: I don't think you needed that "comical twist" line at all. It is self evident already.

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    1. Thanks Justin. I have been called many things, but I don't think anyone's ever called me "Classy" before, thanks very much, the compliment is humbly accepted, and very much appreciated. :-)

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  5. I blame any nightmares I have tonight completely on you. That was CREEPY. Well done, but YIKES !

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    1. Thanks Catherine, sorry for any nightmares you may have due to this story, but on a brighter note, Halloween is coming up, and my #fridayflash usually goes right off the grossometer for that occasion each year, so I'll apologize in advance for any nightmares that one may bring you too. Bwuhahahahahahaha!!

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  6. Intense, but also a tad humorous there at the end! Horrific imagery, too -- I mean that in a good way! Nice work!

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    1. Thanks very much Elizabeth, it's good to know that the humour worked for you, this kind of story is not to everyone's taste. :-)

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  7. The whole time I was reading this, I was thinking "Pull yourself together man!" until I got to the part where you revealed it was all due to his cheating. There my internal puns stopped.

    Fun piece!

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    1. Hiya Aaron, yeah I have to agree, if he hadn't been such a cheating louse then he would still be in one piece, hairy head an' all. :-)

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  8. I enjoyed the bit of humor at the end, but it seems he got what he deserved.

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    1. Thanks Tim, though he might not see it that way... through his one remaining eye... Bwuhahahahahaha!!

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    1. Thank you Lacy, I hope it gave you a few chuckles. :-D

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  10. You always play with language in these pieces and make cliches come to life in a very spectacular way!

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    1. Icy, thank you so much, it's nice when it works for the reader. :-)

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  11. Urrrrgh... missing body parts always freak me out (and I just saw Looper earlier today -- you know that scene near the beginning?).

    All the same, I can't think of a better punishment for a cheater.

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    1. Hi Katherine, hope it didn't freak you out too much, Mwuhaha!!

      I haven't seen "Looper" yet, but from your comment I guess bits and bobs are going astray during transit, there is something like that in the movie "Doom" where just the top half of a guy arrives, and they replace his bottom half with wheels. Ah well, think of all the money he'll save on footwear. (Groan...)

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  12. Oh dear, this made me laugh, is that wrong? ^__^

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    1. Hi Helen, it was intended as humour, albeit a little on the dark side, so I'm glad that it worked for you. :-)

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  13. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Omigawd, Steve, that was just great! It started out as such a nice slice of life, well written, interesting - you really had me hooked in, and when everything started falling apart, it was gruesomely good. But the ending? HILARIOUS! Laughing out loud here! Well, well done!

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    1. Oh Cathy, thank you so much, knowing that this has brought a little laughter to your day makes it worthwhile, thank you for the lovely comment. :-D

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  14. 'Laughed his head off' -- my god , this is one of your personal bests surely Steve! Horrific and insanely funny at the same time. Genius~!

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    1. Thanks Brinda, that is really where this story grew from, the phrase "Laughing his head off" I just took it literally, then worked my way up to it. I hope it gave you a few giggles. :-D

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  15. Ha ha! Great fun, Steve. I always enjoy the flow of your stories, serious or funny, and this one was no exception.

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    1. Thanks Richard, dark humour is probably my favourite theme to work with. :-)

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  16. Whilst cheating is terrible am I the only one who feels a bit sorry for the guy? I mean I'm freaked out by the concept, let alone what an experience like that would be like.

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    1. Hi Peter, if this were factual then I think many people may think his predicament was rather severe for his infidelity, but I just wrote this as a darkly humourous piece with a play on the phrase "Laughing his head off."

      I hope you didn't find it too horrific, I know that this type of story is not to everyone's taste.

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  17. Hi there Steve -- best use of the phrase 'laughed his head off', ever, along with the literal 'went to bits'. This was really quite disturbingly macabre, in a good way. Liked those little fingernail boats. Well, when I say 'like'... ick, but you know what I mean. St.

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    1. Thanks Stephen, as I replied to Brinda, that phrase was my starting point. I don't know what it says about my sense of humour, but I really do like working with a horror/humour mixture.

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