FLASH FICTION:-- HORROR, SCI-FI, HUMOUR, CRIME, SLICE OF LIFE, ETC.

Friday, 26 October 2012

Nailed


Halloween is upon us again, here is my offering for the occasion.
Happy Halloween everyone. Bwuhahahahahahahahaha!!


NAILED.

Having the palms of your hands nailed to a table is probably not the worst, or most painful thing that can happen to a person, definitely not the most pleasant, but still probably not the worst.

Unfortunately for Jimmy Diggs his problems were a shade more numerous than that.

Someone had also hammered eight inch nails through his thighs and into the chair he was sitting in, the heads of more nails protruded from the tops of his shoes.

Several two inch ovals secured his lower jaw and chin to the table top, leaving his neck bent and strained at an unnatural angle, adding further to his discomfort.

His eyelids were stapled to his eyebrows, giving him the 'surprise-eyes' look, and leaving him staring across the table at the TV screen opposite.

Jimmy moaned occasionally, the pain was not so severe any more, three days of sitting here like this had taken a numbing effect.

Even the panel pins through his fingertips, which had given him the most excruciating pain had lost most of their effect.

His brain was also numb from watching “The joys of wallpapering” DVD which was on repeat play.

Jimmy had been a naughty boy. He had borrowed money, lots of money, from some very unsavoury characters, in order to prop up his failing chain of 'Home decorating' shops

And of course, when the present economic climate had seen the further decline of his business, the money had not been paid back.

The bad guys had visited Jimmy, the money had become unimportant now, Jimmy was worth more as a warning to others.

When he was discovered, the medical team which arrived shortly after were about to administer a powerful morphine dose to knock him out before the he was freed from his predicament.

“Can you just hang fire for a few minutes with that syringe?” Croaked Jimmy.

“Why?” Said the medic, incredulously.

“I'd just like your opinion on whether that wallpaper pattern really does go with that shade of green.”


©2012 Stephen. J. Green.


Anyone wishing to read previous Halloween stories can find them here:-

2011 – She loves me, she loves me not.

2010 – Pumpkinhead.

24 comments:

  1. Oh dear, there's always one isn't there! Ha funny story!

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    1. Hi Helen, I'm glad you can see the humour in this, I know it's grim humour, but I do try to go for "Gross and grisly humour" for Halloween. :-)

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  2. Yikes! Here I was thinking, "I'm not sure which is worse -- the nails or the DVD!" But it appears that maybe poor Jimmy actually found some solace in it, so I guess good for him? Lol. Nice work!

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    1. Thanks Elizabeth. Heheh! "The joys of wallpapering" sure is a riveting DVD. (Pun definitely intended.)

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  3. He's passing up morphine after that? What a looney man! :)
    Great, painful story Steve.

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    1. Hi Deanna, I think I would have been screaming for morphine before the first nail even went in.

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  4. True to his profession, even at the most painful of moments. The end gave me a good laugh.

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    1. Thanks Richard, as usual I went for grisly at Halloween time, I know this is not to everyone's taste in humour, and it's nice to know that it works for some. Thanks again. :-)

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  5. Makes the Saw movies look like a walk in the park. Being bolted to the table with his jaw open and his eyelids stapled back sounds wickedly awful. But at least he is truly dedicated to his trade!

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    1. heheh! Thanks Craig. After he comes through this, he may have to look into other ways of propping up his business. :-)

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  6. Now there's insanity for you. Kind of reminds me of Monty Python's take on the Krays: "well, yes, he did nail my head to the floor, but I DESERVED it..."

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    1. Hahaha!! I'd be willing to bet Jimmy didn't feel as though he'd deserved it though, the decorating world can certainly sometimes be a harsh one. :-)

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  7. Ah, that prized 'surprise-eyes' look. ;)

    Nasty scene for Halloween... with a very Steve Green twist of humour at the end.

    Jimmy Diggs - doomed, debt-ridden, dedicated decorator... ;)

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    1. Thanks John, I sometimes wonder at myself when scenarios like these keep popping into my mind. I do like to mix horror with humour if possible though, and it's nice when it pays off. :-)

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  8. English suburban horror. Cheaper and meaner than American Gothic and way tinier than Japanese city-crushers. But still nasty.
    By an almost supernatural coincidence I happen, right now this Sunday morning, to be at the mid-point between giving up a home improvement activity in disgust due to the weapons-grade jargon and epic unhelpfulness of the Anglo-Swedish-Korean translators of the instruction leaflet of Immensely Complicated And Totally Unsuitable DIY product #1, and heading off to B&Q with the missus to panic-buy
    Home Improvement Bodge-up, It'll Have To Do Product #2.' The Vampire Diaries Season One just can't wait for me to do a proper job. I therefore cannot side with Jimmy on this one.
    On the other hand, someone finding hope and salvation while nailed to something is just so 2,000 years ago...

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    1. I howled with laughter reading this comment, thanks so much for brightening my day.

      I do hope your project is salvageable though. :-)

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  9. Wow, that really is a new form of torture...

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    1. Nah, not really Icy, in some areas of England it's pretty much common practice for unpaid debts. I think in those areas people tend to buy plastic tables though, just in case... :-)

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  10. Auch! Double auch! Ain't this the torment of the year?

    Surely a very skin crawling, limb numbing story, but with that humor twist in the end it is priceless! Wohoo Steve!

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    1. Hi Cindy, quite a lot of my flashes do rely on the punch line, and it's nice when it is appreciated, thank you. :-)

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  11. A great Halloween piece. Pain or wallpaper, which is the greater torture?

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    1. Thanks Aaron. I do think that some people would rather have their head nailed to a table than do the decorating though. :-)

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  12. Hi there Steve -- I really like the way you built up his pinned, nailed, stapled predicament. Nicely detailed in a psychotic DIY kind of way. Would you recommend rawl plugs? He has, quite literally, been nailed by the bad guys. Very thorough. Great story. St.

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    1. Haha!! I don't think they thought of rawl plugs, I don't think they take their DIY as seriously as Jimmy

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