(Part 1)
There was once a time when our world bathed in the life-bringing warmth of nine suns, our species lived in a constant daylight, and the Darklings could survive in only the deepest darkest pits beneath the land.
One by one the suns began flickering, paling, diminishing, until finally they died.
Now we must travel ever eastwards to remain in the light of the one remaining sun.
For us the dark means pain, suffering, and eventually death. Our skin that absorbs the life-force from the rays, enabling our immortality, would blister in the shadow.
Not so the Darklings, as our world contracted so theirs expanded, they bred and grew until they covered the Nightland.
But as we are cursed, so are they, for they must travel constantly eastwards to escape the creeping daylight, just as we must escape the creeping shadow of night.
I have travelled far today, I have time to sleep before the dark is upon me again.
I am afraid.
Are my eyes playing tricks.... or did the sun just flicker?
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Darklings (A darkening world part 2)
Darklight (A darkening world part 3)
©2010 Stephen. J. Green.
Great, spooky atmosphere in this Steve.
ReplyDeleteI believe the ending would work better without that last line, just making the last line "I am afraid.", or maybe putting "Are my eyes..." just before that.
Thanks for the chills!
I really like the tone of this story... it gives a sense of fear, the epic, and the individual, all at once.
ReplyDeleteThank you both for reading and commenting.
ReplyDeleteDeanna, you may be right about the last line, it was there to convey the fear that the last sun may be in danger of dying.
Nice tone to this. I like the last line. I wonder if the Darklings need the sunlight even though they can't be in the light. Maybe they are doomed too.
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading and commenting Tim, my original idea was really simple, life could be a drudge even for immortals, (dark or light)
ReplyDeleteReally well done Steve. You say so much with so few words here and that is just masterful on your part. Is this complete as is, or are you planning to continue this story? It works either way, but it also feels like the beginning of something larger. Love it.
ReplyDeleteRachel, thank you for your very kind comment, if you have time to read "The birth of Steve's Twisted Quill" which is my first blog, it explains that I wanted to write short stories with a twist in the tale, and I did write a few, some humourous some not, but I now find myself drifting into writing micro-fiction, based on sci-fi and horror 'slices of life' and I am finding these easy to write, and good fun too.
ReplyDeleteYou may like 'Immaculate conception' a story in a sinmilar vein that I published on my blog in July. (I wish that I could put it on Fridayflash too but I think it is against the rules as it is already published?)
Excellent story, a real sense of urgency and fear.
ReplyDeletePlacebythefire, Thank you for reading and commenting, it seems that I have succeeded in conveying the fear that I envisaged as I was writing this piece.
ReplyDeleteFear? Yes, it's a scary world you convey; both sides in constant flight and fear. Life can feel like this sometimes and it scares the pants off me! Your blurb says you are not a REAL writer. Not so Steve (in my unpublished and mostly unread opinion).
ReplyDeleteVery creepy! But also intriguing - that world sounds interesting.
ReplyDeleteOooh. I like this. I think there is a longer, maybe sci-fi, story in you about this. I love how the darkness "blisters" the immortals. Unexpected elements like that make this really interesting. Expand on this one, Steve. Good stuff.
ReplyDeleteSounds like a neat teaser for a novel. Darklings could be fun to play with in an Asimov's Nightfall-like world plunged into darkness for the first time.
ReplyDeleteHiya guys, thank you for reading and commenting, sorry for the delayed response.
ReplyDeleteFlyingscribbler, thank you for the confidence boost, by not being a real writer, I mean I have no ambition to be a published author as such, and I have no real knowledge of the rules of literacy either (which probably show on occasion too) :) I'm just having fun doing these shorts.
G.P.Ching and John, There possibly could be novel length story there, but i can't really see myself writing something of that size, I don't think I have the attention span. :)
I agree that this would be a great story to continue. It's intriguing. I'd like to see how the Darklings view what's going on.
ReplyDeleteHi Jax, Thanks for stopping by, I have had a re-think, and after the responses I have had to this short fiction, I may possibly write some more about this world (if the ideas come to me) but not for a while as I have a few horror shorts that I am just itching to put on #Fridayflash first.
ReplyDeleteReally liked the feel of this Steve. I was drawn in from the first line.
ReplyDeleteTo answer your question....you can make anything you've written a #fridayflash. Doesn't matter when it was written, just as long as you wrote it.
:0)
Karen, thank you for reading and commenting, also thank you for the info, I would really like to post "Immaculate conception" on #Fridayflash, and it seems that I can. :)
ReplyDeleteI love the word 'darkling'... and I'm impressed by how much you did here in so little time.
ReplyDeleteThank you for reading Rol. Because of the positive response to this flash fiction, I have written another called "A Darkling's world" which I will be posting this coming Friday.
ReplyDeleteLoved the concept and vividness of the story. And in such a short word count too. Well done :).
ReplyDeleteLook forward to seeing more of your writing.
Thanks for the kind words regarding my story. Feel free to send me your hitlist :)
Glad you liked it Craig, thanks for reading.
ReplyDeleteI'll get to work on that list, Ha Ha.
I thought they'd be enemies but you gave empathy to two cursed peoples.
ReplyDeleteDug the atmosphere, spookiness of this piece. Like one of the other commentors said, great start to a longer piece.
Oh, the last line was fantastic.
Thanks for reading Pegjet, as it turns out, they are enemies, this will become clear when I post the second flash on Friday. :)
ReplyDeleteso... grandad why has the day changed to friday instad of saturay? just wondering, great stories as ever liked the zombies tale
ReplyDeleteHiya Jason, thanks for dropping in.
ReplyDeleteThe day has changed to Friday because I'm now posting my stories on an online writers website called #Fridayflash.
There is a link on my right-hand side bar to it if you would care to read more short stories.
I really enjoyed this Steve. Short and snappy, and *definitely* makes me want to know more. Keep them coming!
ReplyDeleteSo short and powerful! Love the tension of the unknown at the end... :)
ReplyDeleteYou captured the despair felt very well. I do agree, I think this could definitely be expanded into something longer.
ReplyDeleteHi guys, thank you for reading and commenting.
ReplyDeleteI am actually overwhelmed with the responses, and comments to this short piece.
I will post part 2 on Friday, A view from the Darklings perspective.
After that I would like to add to it occasionally, I have one or two ideas for short clips to add on, so I will see how they look when I write them. :-)