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Friday, 6 December 2013

Moving on


She slammed the door shut as she left, she wasn't coming back.

The tears trickled down his cheeks, dripped from his chin, joining the shards and fragments that littered the floor.

He brought the dustpan and brush from the kitchen, knelt down, and began to clear up the remains of seven years.

Slowly and deliberately he scooped into the dustpan the pieces of broken promises, shattered dreams, smashed hopes, and a fractured heart.

With each stoke of the brush fresh tear drops landed, then lengthened and tapered as the bristles caught them, like tiny salt water comets against a polished pine sky.

He returned to the kitchen and emptied the dustpan into the trash.

He slammed the trash can lid shut, mimicking her action with the door. Wiped his eyes dry.

Time to move on.


©2013 Stephen. J. Green.

20 comments:

  1. Oh man, I wish I could wrangle my own baggage as easily as metaphors!

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    1. I think there would probably be many people who would share that sentiment with you John.

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  2. Oh wow Steve, you captured a TON of emotion in these few well-chosen words! I love the line: "...the bristles caught them, like tiny salt water comets against a polished pine sky."

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    1. Thank you Deanna, I like the line too, I actually put that paragraph in as an afterthought after I had written the story.

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  3. I loved all the description in this. Beautifully done.

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  4. Oh nooo so sad. You certainly captured the moment in this. Nice writing Steve! ^_^

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  5. Most people forget that we men have emotions as well, weather we admit it or not things hurt. I've been there before It's not fun or pretty,but you showcased it sublimely.

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    1. Thank you for the very kind words E.J.
      I agree with you all the way on your view, I believe that a man's capacity to show emotion is a measure of strength and not weakness.

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  6. My favorite part was the end. After the sorrow, the determination.

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    1. Hi Larry, yes, I think a person has to truly accept that a relationship is over before they can move on, the slamming of the trash can lid was his way of giving it closure.

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  7. Excellent use of extended metaphor. If only it were as easy as sweeping up the kitchen floor.

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    1. Thank you Katherine. And yes, if only...

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  8. Moving on has never been that easy for me. I admire his resolve.

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    1. It's probably not that easy for many people Tim, bruised emotions usually take a while to heal, don't they?

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  9. Prose which reads like poetry...well done.

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    1. Thank you for the lovely comment Li. :-)

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