FLASH FICTION:-- HORROR, SCI-FI, HUMOUR, CRIME, SLICE OF LIFE, ETC.

Friday, 1 June 2012

On the rocks

I lay across the rocks at the bottom of the cliff, broken and smashed, and although there was no pain, I was acutely aware that physically all was not good with me.

“Did you fall, or were you pushed?”

The Genie's face swam above me, looking perplexed, and not a little amused.

“Actually, neither, I jumped.”

I had so many broken bones I would be willing to bet that I couldn't count them on my fingers and toes, and most of those were in more than one piece now, so that in itself would up the numbers a bit.

“Why did you jump?

“Why? What a stupid question, to kill myself of course.”

“But you are immortal, you can't die, so don't you think it was a bit of a daft thing to do? You were the one that asked for immortality in the first place, so I don't really understand where you are coming from.”

“Yeah, well... if I'd known how boring immortality was gonna be I would have asked for riches or fame instead. So, if it's all the same to you, I'd like you to cancel the wish, and give me my life... err, or death back.”

“Sorry buddy, one wish per lamp-rubber, that's the rules.”

“I thought you guys were supposed to grant three wishes, where's my other two?”

“Well, yeah, we used to, but haven't you heard? There's a recession on just now, cutbacks have to be made.”

“Well, okay then, in that case how long will it take for my body to heal?”

“Oh, never. Well, the bones WILL repair themselves, but only in the shape they're in now, unless you get medical treatment anyway, splints and such, and since you chose such an isolated spot I think that's pretty unlikely. You just didn't think this through, did you?”

I took a good look at the shape I was in, all unfamiliar angles and new, multiple joints, all of it draped over the rock formation, following the contours as though it had been poured there.

“Yeah I guess it was pretty dumb, so, what happens now?”

“I suppose you've heard the phrase 'Decide in haste, repent at leisure'?”

“Yeah, sure, who hasn't?”

“Well my stupid friend, you're gonna have lots of leisure time to repent in, forever in fact. Now if you'll excuse me I have other lamp-rubbers to attend to. Ciao baby.


©2012 Stephen. J. Green.

38 comments:

  1. Oh there's that warning loud and clear, 'be careful what you wish for!' Ha so Genie's are also having to have cut backs - I guess it comes to everything in the end. ^__^

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    1. Haha, yeah, this darned recession is eating into everything, isn't it?

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  2. Man, nobody enjoys getting stuck with un-death.

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    1. I don't think immortality is all it's cracked up to be either John, especially if you're not in very good shape. :-)

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  3. I imagine him getting caught in the tide, dragged out to sea and spending eternity drifting around the bottom of the ocean.

    I like the genie's perplexion*, then his casual yeah, you're f*cked, ciao, baby. ^_^

    *if that's not a word, it should be.

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    1. Y'know John, with the way his luck is going, the high tide mark will probably be about half an inch higher than the level of his nostrils, just to annoy the hell out of him. :-)

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  4. Darn, there's always a catch with those wishes.

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    1. Heheh, ain't it the truth? Even if you wish for "Nothing", I could see that having its drawbacks too. :-)

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  5. Ah, the perils of making a hasty decision. Nice one! Very much enjoyed the pragmatic humour.

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    1. Thanks Natalie, I like using humour, even in many of my darker stories, and it is always so rewarding when it works. :-)

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  6. should I ever be offered a wish by a genie, I will go for something safe, like a nice bottle of red wine. that ought to do it, right? Right?

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    1. Hiya Maria, it's lovely to see you on #fridayflash again.

      And did you say a bottle of red wine...? Errr... has nobody spoken to you about THAT particular wish...?


      (Bwuhahahahahahahaha!!!)

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  7. Even the genies are suffering cut-backs huh? You know it's bad when.... poor fella. I love the reprimand: "You just didn't think this through, did you?" Great fun story Steve!

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    1. Thanks Deanna, I was actually laughing when I wrote this one, the guy definitely didn't plan ahead, did he? :-)

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  8. There's no fool like an old fool...

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    1. Hi Peter, and this fool's gonna get older and older, but probably no wiser. :-)

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  9. Love the dark humor. What a fix to be in. Careful what you wish for...

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    1. Thanks Li, that's it in a nutshell, be VERY careful what you wish for, it may not be all you hoped for...

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  10. Damn these cost cuts! I, I suppose like everyone else, have pondered what I would do if granted 3 wishes. So hard to decide on just one. Thanks for putting me off immortality should the oppurtunity ever arise! Funny cool perspective on the old idea, Steve!

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    1. Hiya Harry, good to hear from you mate.

      I think given one wish, I might just do a really stupid thing...
      And wish for more wishes. (Doh!!)

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  11. Nice touches of humor here. I imagine someday some seeker after knowledge might run across him, and I can see him offering his one piece of advice that if you're ever granted wishes not to take immortality. In exchange, the last to be stuffed in their backpack.

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    1. Thanks Aidan.

      Maybe the Genie will pop back every century or so, just to see how he's getting on. (heehee!)

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  12. Your genie is clearly maximizing the opportunities provided by the recession, reacting to the market like this. What a git.
    Repent at leaisure! Good line and thanks for the laughs this week.

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    1. Hi Justin, and thank you. You are quite welcome to the laughs, I'm so glad it gave you a chuckle. :-)

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  13. Genies are, at best, reluctant servants. Like lawyers, they're always looking for that loophole they can use to eff you over. For example, that wishing for more wishes thing? They put you in an endless time loop back to the point you wished for more wishes. That same five seconds, repeated for eternity.

    I think the dude's going to need surgery when he gets rescued. Break & re-set every. Freeking. Bone. He. Has. Well, at least he won't be bored for a while!

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    1. Hi Larry, I just knew that wishing for more wishes would be stupid, I didn't know WHY until now, but somehow... I just KNEW. :-)

      If the guy ever does get rescued, I can't help but feel the idiot deserves all the work it would take to put him right again, he has nothing but time on his hands anyway. :-)

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  14. Genie lamps should really come with warning labels. Be careful for what you wish for or something :).

    The rescission line was a cracker. Well done!

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    1. Thanks Craig. Yeah a warning label sounds a good idea, The Health and Safety Brigade in the UK would have a field day on magic lamps these days, probably ban them altogether under the H&S laws. :-)

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  15. LOL Loved the bit about the recession. Recession in wishes, good one.

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    1. Heheh, thanks Sonia, it seems that nothing is safe from cutbacks in this economic climate, doesn't it? :-)

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  16. Sounds like he should have read the fine print! How awful to have to live with twisted bones forever..

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    1. Hiya Brinda, and thanks. That there fine print hides a lot of pitfalls doesn't it? :-)

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  17. This reminded me of bits of de Beauvoir's All Men are Mortal. It has a very different tone, of course! Sort of between All Men are Mortal and Groundhog Day, I think.

    Meh, he won't have to live with twisted bones forever -- they *can* re-break and re-set them. He has all the time in the world to heal up.

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    1. Hi Katherine, makes me shudder thinking of all them bones being re-broken, some of them will be little more than shattered dust, but some good Samaritan still has to find him first. :-)

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  18. This is actually quite chilling - I can imagine myself having a nightmare about it! I enjoyed the dark humour in this.

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    1. Thanks Rebecca, I didn't mean to scare anyone with this, just make them smile.

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  19. Hi there Steve -- interesting effect the Euro-crisis is having on wishes. The first wish ALWAYS stinks, until the dude with the lamp starts to work out the bad news. You're right: in times of mythological cutbacks, that really could see your average lamp-rubbing hopeful stuck to a rock like an unhealed spider. :) St.

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    1. Haha! Thanks Stephen, the thing with free wishes is that there always DOES seem to be a catch, doesn't there?

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