FLASH FICTION:-- HORROR, SCI-FI, HUMOUR, CRIME, SLICE OF LIFE, ETC.

Friday 26 August 2011

47 Days

I stepped through the doorway into a white corridor which stretched off into the distance.

I glanced backward over my shoulder and watched the door quietly close behind me, the door too was white, and handle-less.

I didn't spare a thought as to why I was here, I knew that the answers would be revealed when the time was right.

I began to walk.

The corridor never varied. Walls, floor and ceiling a uniform shade of white that stopped just short of being a glare.

I didn't worry that the temperature never altered, despite my nakedness I felt neither warm nor cold. The floor was the same temperature as my bare feet, which gave the sensation of walking on nothing. When I touched the walls there was no texture, only more of the sameness.

One Elephant... Two Elephant... Three Elephant...

My internal clock counted the seconds, the minutes, the hours and days.

Just keep walking.

I didn't think about the strangeness of not feeling the urge to eat, or drink, or sleep, or defecate, or urinate.

Just keep walking.

One Elephant... Two Elephant... Three Elephant...

Although I didn't pass anyone else in the corridor, I never felt any sense of loneliness, or isolation.

Just keep walking.

Twenty three days, eleven hours, sixteen minutes, four seconds...

One Elephant... Two Elephant... Three Elephant...

Just keep walking.

Forty seven days, three minutes, seven seconds...

A large signpost stood in the corridor, effectively blocking my way, peering through the narrow gap at the side I could see the corridor stretching away into the distance exactly the same as before.

I stood looking at the signpost, feeling calm, somewhat detached. I just knew that whatever happened, if anything happened, it would be the right thing.

A shadow appeared on the smooth, white surface of the signpost.

The shadow darkened, solidified, became readable, the words said simply...

“GO BACK”

I turned around in the corridor to face the direction I had come from, and there, just a few paces away was the white, handle-less door, the door stood ajar revealing a bright light on the other side.

I stepped through the doorway into a blurred kaleidoscope of moving colours, and the sounds of faraway voices, and a cacophony of bleeps, beeps, pings and burbles.

A bright moving light shone into my right eye, moved to my left eye...

“Just relax, just relax, you're gonna be okay, you're gonna make it...”

The voice seemed to come from the moving blur hovering over me... which slowly, slowly began to resemble a face.

Over the next few days I learnt about the accident, and all the other details.

The doctor said it was some kind of miracle.

“You were forty seven days in a coma, total body shutdown, permission had been given to turn off the Life Support Unit. I actually had my hand on the switch ready to pull the plug...

And you opened your eyes.”


©2011 Stephen. J. Green.




19 comments:

  1. I was engrossed on following his steps, wondering where it would lead. Then that signpost appeared and said Go Back! I sorta guessed at that point he was in hospital but wasn't sure. Pleased to find out I was right.

    Good story kept me reading and wondering!

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  2. Good story! Figured it would be a near-death hospital thing (kind of. wasn't totally sure until the end), but I liked the way you did it.

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  3. Excellent story! Stories about what happen to us at death always peak my interest, and yours was quite well done.

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  4. A moving and tightly written piece, Steve. Well done.

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  5. Feels half-lucid and very loopy in neat ways. Spend a bit of it trying to figure out just what the elephants are really signifying.

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  6. What they said. Really tight and claustrophobic so the positive nature of the pay-off was something of a release.

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  7. "Just keep walking" is pretty good advice even when not in a coma. I like the feel of this.

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  8. I had no idea what was happening to him, I thought he might actually be dead. Nice ending, and the slow pace was perfect for this story. I got a chuckle out the idea of him counting the seconds all that time.

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  9. The signpost of Go Back! was very nice. My first thought was that the door was sneaking up on him, but I like the idea that he was wandering in a coma.

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  10. Loved your pacing (sorry!) in this story and the repetition throughout works well. I like the fact that the mc is totally unphased by their situation.

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  11. Like Tim, I zeroed in on the Just-Keep-Walking lines. There are times when that is all you can do. The ending was great, and the mental sign to go back was a nice touch.

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  12. Nice! When he saw the sign that said "Go Back" I was thinking, "Don't do it. Keep going." I love the concept with this story.

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  13. Hi there Steve -- I like this. Nicely moderate, doesn't go crazy. It's got a clean, hospital quality to that white light some folk talk about. Liked the door being just behind him after the long walk, and his elephant counting. St.

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  14. Good job he didn't need to walk back exactly the way he'd come but I can't help wondering what would have happened if he'd just kept going. Would that corridor ever lead anywhere?

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  15. Nice pacing. I wasn't totally surprised by the ending, but the buildup and tension was very well done. Great job!

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  16. Hi everyone, and thank you all for the very kind feedback. When I posted this I did wonder if readers would understand the significance of the elephants as a way of spacing the seconds, but everyone seemed to either know it, or work it out okay.

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  17. I caught the elephants as being a way of spacing the seconds, though here it is more common to say one Missisippi, two Missisippi....and the 3 vs. 4 syllables made me wonder if your clocks aren't a bit fast there. I've always wondered when you hear stories about people moving towards a light or some such, and feeling a sense of peace, if they aren't dissappointed to be turned back. Not anxious to find out for myself.

    Nice work Steve!

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  18. I enjoyed this, thanks Steve. I like the way you use repetition in your stories, it's effective and engaging.

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  19. @Harry - Hiya Harry, I think you may have just hit on the reason why the UK is always ten years behind the USA. :-)

    @Liminal - Thank you, the repetition just seemed to be the right thing to do with this one.

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