The beauty of the song stilled the very air that carried it.
Her words drifted into me as I walked down the mountain path towards the shack, soothing, soulful. A beckoning siren call, irresistible. Compelling.
My feet barely touching the scarcely trodden earth, the breeze passing through me like rainwater through limestone.
It's been such a long time, such a very long time.
From life, to death, and now, back to life. The prophecy fulfilled.
Closer now, hurrying, joyful, expectant.
The door is ajar, the familiar scent of her perfume is in my nostrils, on my tongue, in my head.
The voice faltered, quieted.
The door fell fully open as I approached.
I walked into the room.
“Hello darling,” she said, “welcome home.”
©2012 Stephen. J. Green.
Neat. Seems like just a beginning to a much bigger story, but still stands well on its own. Well done!
ReplyDeleteHi Eric, and thank you. I wasn't too sure about this one, it looks a bit sparse, and leaves a lot for the reader to fill in, but this was how the words came to me and so I thought I would post it as I wrote it, and let the readers make their own interpretation.
DeleteNice! I guess he's been gone for a long time?
ReplyDeleteThanks Sonia, yes he has, but I'll leave it to you to decide how long.
DeleteA good way to get welcomed from the grave. I'd much rather run into my honey than an anti-prophetic mob.
ReplyDeleteJohn, I'm with you all the way on that one, it would be quite an experience if we get to find out for ourselves one day, wouldn't it?
DeleteLovely language in this Steve. I like how it's sweet and creepy at the same time.
ReplyDeleteThank you Deanna, I think "Sweet and creepy" is a very complimentary interpretation.
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Nicely done. My imagination is taking this all sorts of places.
ReplyDeleteThanks Tim, it does leave quite a lot for the reader's imagination to work with though, doesn't it?
DeleteI was hooked from the first line.
ReplyDeleteThe story itself was pretty clear to me, he's in the afterlife. Heaven, really, his love who went before him is waiting for him. More an ending than a beginning.
Hiya Larry, I like your take on it, it's very close to the one I had in mind.
DeleteI like the language in this piece, how it led my mind to envision various story paths. Well done.
ReplyDeleteThanks Aaron, I'm glad now that I didn't fill in the details, I think it would have made it less interesting somehow.
DeleteSeems like his siren wife is calling him from the grave. I like that the reader fills in details, stirs the imagination!
ReplyDeleteHiya Catherine, like Larry (FAR) you are very close to what I had envisaged.
DeleteAlways nice to be greeted with a smile. I liked the imagery of the piece. I could see him floating down that path, with an expectant look on his face.
ReplyDeleteHi Craig, and I agree, a smile works for me too, especially when you consider all of the grim stuff I post on here.
DeleteThis CAN be taken in many different ways. I had a rough time on the first read -- you use a TON of words that start with the letter s and the sound stuck in my head (see?) and I had to re-read the piece, skipping some of those s-words to see the story underneath.
ReplyDeleteSeems that S-words are easy to choose. ;)
Hiya Susan, so sorry (oops) about all the S's, I hadn't noticed it until you pointed it out. :)
DeleteI hope you enjoyed the read though.
I think this may be my favorite piece I've read of yours thus far, Steve. It reads like a poem and I love how it all leads up to the final line, the only spoken words here were an appropriate choice for the ending.
ReplyDeleteThank you Richard, I think some stories will work for some people, and other stories for others. The feedback from this is better than I expected, I think a lot of people like to add their own bits to a story, a reader's imagination can most often out-do anything the writer can produce.
DeleteElegant stuff Steve.
ReplyDeleteI agree that this could easily be the start of something. You know, if you fancied it...
Thank you Peter, I'm really happy with the responses, and the interpretations to this post, but I think it's unlikely that I'll be taking it any further.
DeleteBeautiful, I agree with Richard it had the rhythm of a piece of poetry. I like the sense of being called to something, unable to resist, no even wanting to, then the ending just perfect. ^_^
ReplyDeleteThank you Helen, sometimes leaving the reader to fill in the blanks can work well, and I am pleased with people's views on this one.
DeleteReally enjoyed this. Beautiful flow to it.
ReplyDeleteThank you Icy, you are very kind. :-)
DeleteThere's beauty in the simplicity of this, Steve. It's always nice to imagine such reunions are possible, and nice to see a resurrection without any sinister element to it.
ReplyDeleteAn interesting thought: if life and death are cyclical, then would death in the real world be birth in the afterlife (whether that be a heaven, or some other place)? And what would the afterlife be like, which would have to end in a death in order to be reborn once again in the 'life' world? Just a mirror image?
And at what point, given that the population is increasing, is 'new' life added?
Have you come across this? The Egg
Hi John, and thank you.
DeleteThat is an extremely interesting theory, I can't allow myself to think too deeply on a subject like that or my brain starts to overheat. (Chuckle)
I followed the link to "The egg". That is a wonderful piece of writing, I would like to say imagination, but the truth is that none of us really knows what the truth actually IS.
I couldn't even tell you with any honesty if I believe in an afterlife or not, part of me wants to dismiss the idea, and part of me wants it to be true, I guess we'll all find out for ourselves one day. :-)
Very nice...I love the flow of the words.
ReplyDeleteHiya Marsha, and thank you so much.
DeleteThis is excellent, Steve. I really enjoyed it.
ReplyDeleteThank you Jack, this story has been recieved much better than I could have hoped for.
DeleteVery well crafted, Steve, and I like the open ending. It definitely sent my mind wandering with potential outcomes.
ReplyDeleteHiya Chuck, Thank you for the kind words, I'm happy that you liked it.
DeleteBeautiful work Steve.. a feast of poetic imagery and thought.
ReplyDeleteThe wonder stuff indeed!
Tom thank you so much, I post so much apocalyptic and nasty stuff on here, it makes a refreshing change for me to post something like this. :-)
DeleteLovely prose indeed. :-)
ReplyDeleteHi Quirina, thank you for reading, and for the kind comment. :-)
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