FLASH FICTION:-- HORROR, SCI-FI, HUMOUR, CRIME, SLICE OF LIFE, ETC.

Friday 5 August 2011

Off the boil

Lance hadn't been able to sit down for over a week now, in fact he had been able to do hardly anything, the rather large, and extremely painful boil on his right buttock was ruining his life. He could manage to sit by perching his left buttock on the seat, but the pain caused by the skin being taut meant that even this position couldn't be held for very long, so he had taken to standing to do just about everything, the cream that the doctor had prescribed may just as well have been rubbed onto the carpet for all the effect it had on the boil.

He had to sleep on his stomach, without covers, but was awoken screaming several times each night as he rolled over in his sleep. The touch of any fabric against the offending, fist-sized lump was agonising, so Lance had to cut a hole in his only pair of jeans just so he didn't have to walk about semi-naked all the time, which he didn't mind so much, but he couldn't afford the extra heating costs.

The constant pain, and the sheer exhaustion caused by being on his feet all day, combined with the lack of sleep, were beginning to take their toll, and poor Lance was becoming run down and depressed.

Thoughts of suicide were trickling through Lance's mind as he stepped out of the shower, straight onto a patch of previously spilt shower gel, both legs flew high into the air, and he landed heavily on his backside, the pitch of his scream almost hit ultrasonic as the boil splattered an impressive amount of blood and pus in every direction across the tiled floor.

A few minutes later the pain had dulled to a bearable level, and Lance whistled cheerfully to himself as he stepped back into the shower, and began to wash the red and yellow goo from his freshly de-boiled bum, thinking to himself that falling on your arse wasn't always a bad thing.


©2011 Stephen. J. Green.

22 comments:

  1. You know, I was honestly surprised his boil didn't turn him into a zombie. A little relieved that he only fell on his butt instead of chomping on somebody else's.

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  2. Falling on your arse isn't always a bad thing, but there is always some mess to clean up.

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  3. Poor Lance! Falling on his arse was a blessing in disguise. You made me go ewwwwww with your discription of how it burst. ^___^

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  4. @John - A zomboil? Now there's a novel idea, Hmmm... :-)
    I like to have the occasional stab at humour amongst all the horror and apocalyptic stuff I usually post.

    @Tim - Haha, I'm glad it wasn't my job to clean that mess up. Yuk!! :-)

    @Helen - A moment's pain, for a lifetime of relief. YEEEOOUWCH!! :-)

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  5. Ew. And I love that you called him Lance. So fitting.

    Love Louise xx

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  6. @Jen - Hahaha! EWWW seems to be a common reaction to this story. :-)

    @Lou - Thanks, and I did wonder if anyone would make the name/boil word association. :-)

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  7. The boil needed to be lanced (falling on his butt was a funny way to do that lol) but the mess is gross.

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  8. Hiya Sonia, 'gross' was another word I was hoping for too. :-)

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  9. I think I'm going to have to wash my eyeballs. You managed to capture EWWW and gross well in this story. Sometimes doctor's don't necessarily know best.

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  10. Thanks Aidan, just don't wash your eyeballs with BOILing water.

    Bwuhahahahahaha!!

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  11. I like the mention of his difficulty with sleep, rather than just the obvious stuff like sitting down. And the resolution you chose was just right (in my opinion): that boil could only be vanquished serendipitously, and the humor of the last sentence added to the story.

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  12. Thanks Liminal, I did think about adding a preamble about how life was always knocking Lance onto his arse, but decided that it wasn't really necessary.

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  13. Oh I was waiting to see how he was going to end up popping it - but I love how quickly he bounces back!

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  14. Steve, you had me physically cringing as I read that last bit. Since that was your intent, Well done! :)

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  15. Interesting story--- kind of a double ending :)

    -Tim

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  16. I like this one, Steve: a touch of yuk with a bit of humor. The last line made me laugh.

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  17. @Icy – Haha, yeah, there's nothing like getting the weight off ones mind (so to speak) for cheering a person up. :-)

    @Chuck – Thanks, I love it when a plan comes together. (Chuckle)

    @Tim – Hi Tim, haha, nice analogy

    @Stephen – Thanks Stephen, I really ought to write more humour, but the other stuff seems to flow more naturally.

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  18. Hi Steve, not sure whether to laugh or cringe... both, I think. ;)

    Since I'm winding myself back up I've finally got round to replying to the Versatile Blogger award. You might find a little something for yourself there, too. =)

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  19. Hiya John, go on, have a good cringy laugh. :-)

    It's good to hear you're getting back on the scene, I'm looking forward to your new flashes.

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  20. Hi there Steve -- that's one ouchy boil. Lance seemed like an appropriate name for what was coming, and I actually liked the fact that nothing unwordly developed from the carbuncle. Sharp, painful, to the point. Plenty of squeezy goodness. St.

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  21. Hiya Stephen, squeezy goodness? Oh, you've got ME cringing now. yuk!!! :-)

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