FLASH FICTION:-- HORROR, SCI-FI, HUMOUR, CRIME, SLICE OF LIFE, ETC.

Friday 4 March 2011

Zombaiting

On the outskirts of town was a weather-worn sign.

JAGERVILLE...POPULATION 7,242

Right next to it stood a relatively new sign declaring in bright red paint....

FRANKSVILLE...POPULATION

LIVING...1

WALKING DEAD...5,117

REALLY DEAD....2,124

The numbers were of the 'slide in-slide out' type, this was to make life easier for Frank because he updated the board just before sundown each day.

Frank was a martial arts teacher before the infestation snatched all of his fee-paying students, thus taking away his livelihood and his beloved sport in one fell swoop, but now he had a new sport to play.

Frank was the sole survivor, custodian, and (in his eyes) owner, of the freshly re-named Franksville, and he was systematically clearing out the town, and immensely enjoying his new sport at the same time. He had set up a well-equipped gym in one of the rooms of his penthouse fortress, and worked out daily with weights and hand weapons, he prided himself on never using or carrying firearms, he didn't need them, he was strong, tough, and very very fast.
In a sheath at his side hung Macca, a fourteen inch machete, and strapped to his back, a beautifully crafted samurai sword, oh, he loved taking the Zacks out with the nunchakas or stars, but for serious Zombaiting you couldn't beat Sammy the sword, he was a little worried at the fact that he had given the weapons names, but reflected that maybe it wasn't so strange after all, as they were the only friends he had now.

Zombaiting was Frank's new sport, and he was the world champion, because as far as he knew, he was the world's only player too. It consisted of teasing the Zacks, dancing in and out of reach, and occasionally lopping bits off them until they were just a crawling lump, and it was time to administer the coup-de-grace.

The game was much more fun, and required much more skill, when facing several Zacks at once, but right now he had a lone shambler, in full working order, and it was almost sunset, so Frank decided to have one last dance before adding the day's tally to the pop-sign, and retiring to his suite before nightfall.

Frank turned up the volume in his earphones, the classic sounds of 'Ode to joy' pulsed through his ears, “Okay, let's dance.” He said,and pirouetted towards the walking corpse.

As the Zack reached for him Frank moon-walked backwards keeping a mere inch from the grasping fingers, he swivelled lightly on one leg, swinging Sammy in a wide arc, and lopped one arm off at the elbow, continuing the movement he ducked under the other arm, then danced full circle around the zombie, flickering Sammy out again to take the other off at the wrist, he waltzed around twice more before doing a double spin, culminating in a low slash that took both legs off at the knees.

The rain began just as Frank was raising Sammy to give the final blow, “Okay,” thought Frank, “game over, time to get going.” He sliced off the head in a single blow, then picked it up from the street. Holding the head by the hair he hoisted it high, tilted his head back, and laughed his triumph to the sky, as the rain fell onto his face, the single drop of virus-filled liquid that dripped from the zombie's lip went unnoticed as it landed on the side of his nose, and was washed by the raindrops into his open laughing mouth....

©2011 Stephen. J. Green.

22 comments:

  1. "REALLY DEAD" got me. That's my favorite bit of zombie humor I've seen in a long time.

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  2. Yup. That zombie blood... it's good to the last drop.

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  3. Thanks John, I did write this a bit tongue-in-cheek, that's why I didn't flag it under the horror genre.

    Tim, you are definitely right, and it cures all known illnesses too. :-)

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  4. this is what happens when you become over-confident... You become a zombie instead of a champion. :) Good ending.

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  5. Ooh, that's cruel.

    Still, serves him right for gloating.

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  6. My favourite banner on the internet read:

    Undead...Dead. We make dead things deader. You're welcome.

    Love it!

    Louise.

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  7. Gwen - well at least now he'll have plenty of like-minded company, oh, and no more gruelling work-outs either. :-)

    Rol - I know, cruel is one of my good points Mwuhahahaha.
    I couldn't really let the hero get away a happy ending could I?

    Louise - Hiya, and thanks, I love your banner too, there is nothing deader than a double-deadened undead is there?

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  8. Good one! Poor guy...kind of. Though he sort of got what he deserved. I guess it doesn't pay to get overconfident.

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  9. Love it! I dig the scoreboard pop sign and Frank's enthusiasm. Too bad, he's going to be changing the 1 to an 0 already though.

    "lone shambler" is cool!

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  10. Thanks Eric, given the circumstances I think his over-confidence was probably flavoured with a dash of insanity too.

    Thanks Harry, Frank would probably have got bored when the 5,117 became a 0 anyway, it would be a bit like finishing an XBox game without the option of replay.

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  11. Great job! I love the way Frank renamed the town after himself and kept the totals updated. And a great ending.

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  12. You've just GOT to love zombie humor. And poetic justice. And when they meet, it's just beautiful. Excuse me, I have to wipe a tear from my eye... :)

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  13. Thanks Chuck, I think anyone put in the same position as Frank would probably end up a little self-centred too. :-)

    Catherine, thank you. (Sorry about the eye) :-)

    I really like zombie fiction, and find it quite easy to write, it is very tempting to write nothing BUT zombie stories.

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  14. Dad... I dare ya, make April your zombie fest month...

    Louise.

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  15. Ah, he had that coming to him for being so arrogant!

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  16. Okay Lou, dare accepted darling, in April all of my #Fridayflashes will be zombie related stories.

    Hiya Icy, poor Frank, no-one seems to be on his side do they?

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  17. Pride goes before the fall. The ending is a nice twist to a really twisted story--his last dance as the living. Can't help but wonder who'll change the sign now.

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  18. Hi Stephen, I think the sign will stay as it is now, Franksville could be renamed zombieville.

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  19. Love that in spite of all his power building he will be brought down by that delicate drop. My favorite part, though, was the entire image of Frankville and the sign. Well done!

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  20. CheckedOut, thank you, the pop-sign was one of the main ingredients of the story.

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  21. This really made me laugh!! I've never read a zombie story that made me laugh before... a fun read. Shame about his inevitable fate.

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  22. Thanks Rebecca, because my daughter has thrown down the challenge, April is going to be zombie month on The Twisted Quill.

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