It was known as 'The Drop', almost two miles of sheer vertical cliff face dropping straight down onto open plain.
Most of the young men who had tested their courage against The Drop had died in the attempt, the number who had made it to the base, clutching the rare blue flower that grew from the cliff face were few.
The hard part wasn't in getting to the bottom safely, it was getting to the bottom at all.
The extreme low gravity of this planet caused a human body to drift down very slowly, resulting in a feather-light touchdown at the base...
If you could get to the base.
The danger was the rising thermals raising the body back up the cliff face. These currents had to be negotiated precisely in order to get past them, you had to feel your way through the intricate layers of warmth and cool, divers got trapped inside the warm air pockets, and drifted up and down until they starved to death, and continued drifting whilst the flesh rotted from their bones.
I slowly scanned my powerlens downwards from left to right, at various points along the wall, and at various heights, I could see specks, some slowly rising, others slowly falling, the bodies of failed attempts, sentenced to an eternity of highs and lows.
I pushed the lens into my pocket, raised my arms, and leant forward ....
I fell from the cliff edge, and began the descent....
©2010 Stephen. J. Green.
That sounds very neat, a visual idea. I know this is a clipped idea, breaking off right before the descent, but you could implement it in a much larger story if you wanted to experiment. Using it for a conflict, a fight or a chase could lead to a wacky action sequence.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the feedback John, I did consider making it a bit more lengthy, but I couldn't decide which way to go with it, so I decided to leave it 'in the air' so to speak, and maybe add to it at a later date.
ReplyDeleteInteresting idea and as John said, a great setup for something larger, but as it stands it's a great piece of description. Nicely done.
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading Alex, I don't know if the laws of physics would allow this to happen or not, but I really liked the concept.
ReplyDeleteWhat a tragic outcome, to know that you're stuck in a thermal, waiting to die a long death. Like others, I enjoyed the way you ended it, with the question in the readers mind. Sometimes, that's the right way to leave things.
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading Stephen, I may eventually add an ending, as John said, it paves the way for several scenarios.
ReplyDeleteWhat a cool idea for a story! Well done.
ReplyDeleteHi Catherine, thanks for popping in, glad you like the idea.
ReplyDeleteThat is a fascinating idea, Steve, about young men 'riding the thermals' as a macho thing or test of manhood. What a ghastly way to go. Floating on one of these indefinately. As John noted, it would be a really cool scene in a longer story. Nicely described.
ReplyDeleteGreat description Steve, and what an interesting concept! Very original and great flash that can very easily be turned into a longer piece :) (like a few writers already stated)
ReplyDeleteI like your short. I think there are many ideas to continue off this one piece. I kept thinking of an alien planet with lots of ravines and red colors. The statement that young men had tried and failed made me think of the plunge as a rite of passage. It would be interesting to continue the story that way.
ReplyDelete@ Alan, thank you, I had this image of rotting corpses floating up and down, caught in the air currents.
ReplyDelete@ Estrella, thank you, I too really liked the idea behind it, I think it is original.
@ Lara, thanks Lara, the rites of passage, or as Alan said, test of manhood, were what I had in mind. In Sci-fi nothing is beyond the imagination is it?
That's a great idea, really twists expectations.
ReplyDeleteHi Rol, thanks, glad that you liked it. :-D
ReplyDeleteVery creative concept Steve! As off the wall as your new entry into the X-Treme games is, I could absolutely see folks figuring out away to surf this if indeed it did exist. Excellent as is, but as others have said, not a bad jumping off point ;) for something larger. Well done!
ReplyDeleteThanks Harry, there are certainly people who would tackle something like this just for the fun of it.
ReplyDeleteThe title initially made me think of dead drops.
ReplyDeleteNice twist on the way that people do different types of daredevil stunts. The world is introduced nicely here.
Hi Aidan, thanks for reading. In my mind them daredevils are welcome to it, I hate heights.
ReplyDeleteThis is like a planetary version of tombstoning but the dangers are on the way down, rather than when you reach the base of the drop. Would love to know if there's significance to the blue flower - do they collect it as part of an initiation, for its medicinal or healing properties or simply because it's rare and to incorporate it into the test of making and surviving the drop? I like that you left the ending open, but this guy sounds organised and like he's researched the drop - I think he'll make it. Excellent piece, Steve.
ReplyDeleteThanks Kath, I put in the part about the blue flower, because the Drop's cliff face is the only place where it grows, (I know I should have mentioned this) and having one would be the only way for someone who had survived the Drop to prove that they had done it. (Even if they had taken it from one of the floating corpses)
ReplyDeleteThat makes sense but I don't think you had to put it in. I just wondered whether they were being made to go and fetch it for some other purpose than to prove they'd attempted and survived the drop.
ReplyDeleteOh that's very clever. Very different from your usual "prove yourself" type of stories.
ReplyDeleteThank you Icy, I'm glad that you liked it. :-)
ReplyDeleteAs others have said, it's an interesting idea, and one which could definitely be made into something longer. I was curious to know more about the blue flower, and why risk so much for it - other than it being rare.
ReplyDeletePacing is spot on, with a build up of tension before the dramatic ending. It's an ultimate cliff-hanger.
Hi Allie, thanks for reading, the blue flower is proof of having negotiated the Drop, as that cliff is the only place it grows.
ReplyDeleteReally enjoyed this. I'm not sure I would have attempted that descent!
ReplyDeleteHi Rebecca, I'm extremely sure that I wouldn't have. :-)
ReplyDeleteJust the way I'd like to go..an ethereal quality to this one steve, well done.
ReplyDeleteHi Michael, thanks for reading, I don't think I would envy anyone stuck in the thermals though.
ReplyDelete